I am not alone...

I was a bit worried after posting my last post, people might think I was mad.... but I've discovered I am not alone in this!!! it's quite freaky. I have just been on a special internet chat for young women with breast cancer organised by breastcancercare.co.uk - and what do the girls there all start talking about - exactly what I put on my post yesterday "how do we deal with the constant fear of reaccurance".. they all mirrored exactly my outpourings of yesterday that the fear of the cancer coming back is the thing that is most worrying them and the fact that we are not screened for secondaries.. we just have to wait till a pain arises and they all worry about every pain they get. Now, I am not saying I am seriously worried that every pain IS a cancer.... but I am scared by it generally but turns out this is entirely normal (well normal once you've got cancer!). and that is quite reassuring to know.

So, I've just admitted I have been on an internet chat room. First the blog, then the chat room... I really am turning into an internet addict. I might as well admit now about my addiction to an internet forum too. But, I don't care... I have found this fantastic site for breast cancer patients... where I can go for advice and support from other breast cancer "ladies" in the UK (turns out I always call them "ladies" whenever I refer to them).
So, I can go and read/post messages about living with breast cancer, its treatment (where I get all my coping with chemo tips), there's even a special section just for us younger women and all our worries (of the 322 members on this site there are 17 of us under 30). I've been able to talk to other young girls, to know I am not the only one out there, because boy is it isolating.
I think it helps. I feel if I need them, there is someone out there who will understand. I am not saying that all you friends and family don't understand in the slightest, because I count myself lucky that I have people out there who care and support me. But, they have been through it too.
Yeah, I know you have to be careful on the internet because you never really know whether someone is really who they say they are... but trust me, you would have to be some seriously dedicated wierdo to pick up all the lingo and blag it as a breast cancer patient. So, I find it helps me to go there once in a while. My name's Dawn and I am addicted to the internet!!!

So, how am I feeling then at the moment. Tired... both my arms really hurt today. They both ache as though I have been using them much to much and they don't really have the energy to pick things up. I didnt sleep all that well last night. I was woken up with pins and needles and numbness in my chemo arm on several occasions. I think the chemo drugs play quite a bit of havoc with the veins in your treatment arm, so I guess this could be why.

I have also been to Leeds today to have a session at the Robert Ogden centre. I was supposed to have another tomorrow but I have cancelled it. The trip to Leeds is starting to become a serious jaunt. I have the energy to do it... but I won't have the energy to do it again tomorrow. All in all I have been out for quite a lot of the day and I feel like I need a day at home now, and so I will.