I have been taking tamoxifen for a week now and all seems well and I feel good. No hot flushes to speak of, which is good. However, I don't know whether it is related to the Tamoxifen but this last week I have generally ached, had a bad back pain, and my joints have seized up quite badly. Quite a few times I have hobbled around like my old chemo Taxol days, but then equally quite a few times I have dashed around and am now faster than the OAP's on Skipton high street - Hoorah! It feels great to be held up by doddering old ladies whom I am trying to get past :D
My bone scan went OK. I had a few hours to kill in between getting the radioactive injection and sitting in the big gamma machine. The scan itself was fine but I had to lie still for a total of 20 minutes to scan my whole body and my arms ached from holding them out at the end of it. It was however very exciting to look over and catch a glimpse of my very own skeleton flash up on the screen. I haven't got another doctors appointment to get these results, but I figure they will contact me if there is anything that shows up that needs worrying about.
I am generally starting to get on with life after chemo now and am trying to build up my daily activity levels to get me fighting fit for my return to work. Although I have found it quite hard to know exactly what to say to the question I seem to get asked these days...
"have you had the all clear?"
I don't know quite how to answer it. I suppose I have in as much as I have been told to go away and not come back to see the oncologist for 6 months - that has allowed me a little bit of closure. As far as they can tell we have removed the solid tumour and I have given my body the best shot with chemo and radiotherapy. However, I haven't got a marker that shows whether the chemo has worked for me. There was no tumor to shrink and even my hair started growing on the second half of treatment. So we just hope that the chemo has worked and killed any remaining cancer cells in my body.
The next 2 years are the "high risk" years. There is a high risk of the cancer coming back in the first 2 years after treatment. There is still a risk extending out to 5 years. After that it isn't risk free but its a pretty good outcome. I couldn't quite bring myself to ask the oncologist what the likely chances are of a recurrence would be for my individual case. I figure I am better off not knowing that statistic and what will-be-will-be.
Now I am just going to try my hardest to get back to the Dawn I was before all this; before I thought about breast cancer a lot, before I constantly was assessing "how do I feel today?". I am starting to get there already. At times I could even forget that I have just been through chemo, during it I could hardly contemplate what a day-in-the-life of a non-chemo person could be! Now I can, and it's pretty good!
Monday, 27 August 2007
Monday, 20 August 2007
Weddings and dancing.
I popped my first tamoxifen last night, and as expected, I am none-the-wiser I took it. What a chicken I was!!!
I have also been to a wedding this weekend. I have to confess to having a jolly big blub in the church. I was just thinking how lovely the bride looked walking down the isle and how it was a year since I was doing it and how at that point we didn't know what was to come around the corner and then... bam.... my eyes started leaking all over the place. Luckily that sort of thing is completely allowed at weddings and I got it relatively under control and was able to sit back and enjoy the rest of the service which was lovely. Thankfully my eyelashes are also not yet long enough to really benefit from mascara so I didn't have to worry about that running all over the place. Later on there was a ceilidh and I even got up and did 2 dances with my new found energy (one of them being with a 6 year old boy as my partner so I didn't need to worry about over exerting myself).
I am off for my bone scan on Wednesday which means going in for an injection of radioactive tracer in the morning and then waiting 3 hours for it to be taken up into my bones before going back for the scan later that afternoon. I think I will take doctors orders during this time to go and do a little bit of shopping!
I have also been to a wedding this weekend. I have to confess to having a jolly big blub in the church. I was just thinking how lovely the bride looked walking down the isle and how it was a year since I was doing it and how at that point we didn't know what was to come around the corner and then... bam.... my eyes started leaking all over the place. Luckily that sort of thing is completely allowed at weddings and I got it relatively under control and was able to sit back and enjoy the rest of the service which was lovely. Thankfully my eyelashes are also not yet long enough to really benefit from mascara so I didn't have to worry about that running all over the place. Later on there was a ceilidh and I even got up and did 2 dances with my new found energy (one of them being with a 6 year old boy as my partner so I didn't need to worry about over exerting myself).
I am off for my bone scan on Wednesday which means going in for an injection of radioactive tracer in the morning and then waiting 3 hours for it to be taken up into my bones before going back for the scan later that afternoon. I think I will take doctors orders during this time to go and do a little bit of shopping!
Thursday, 16 August 2007
So, Tamoxifen....
I am thinking about taking my first Tamoxifen tablet tonight. I have the little packet of 28 days worth of pills sitting here looking at me.....
.... yet, I can't quite bring myself to take it....
I am going to have to... but, I have enjoyed having 12 treatment free days and was just starting to feel like my body was side-effect free.
I'll take it later before bed.
.... yet, I can't quite bring myself to take it....
I am going to have to... but, I have enjoyed having 12 treatment free days and was just starting to feel like my body was side-effect free.
I'll take it later before bed.
Little baby steps.
I have had a brilliant letter through from the occupational health doctor regarding getting ready for my return to work;
"You should focus on pacing activity, and slowly increasing it, focusing on those matters concerned with getting through the necessities (such as paying bills, shopping etc.)".
Woo Hoo, I have been given doctors orders to go shopping!!!! If he meant grocery shopping he should have been more specific!
I am feeling better by the day and almost forgot what it was like to be on chemo. However, yesterday I had a flashback when a chemo-fatigue crash happened while in Leeds. I had forgotten how hard and fast it can hit and it reminded me exactly what I have been through and to not get complacent. Little baby steps is the way to go.
"You should focus on pacing activity, and slowly increasing it, focusing on those matters concerned with getting through the necessities (such as paying bills, shopping etc.)".
Woo Hoo, I have been given doctors orders to go shopping!!!! If he meant grocery shopping he should have been more specific!
I am feeling better by the day and almost forgot what it was like to be on chemo. However, yesterday I had a flashback when a chemo-fatigue crash happened while in Leeds. I had forgotten how hard and fast it can hit and it reminded me exactly what I have been through and to not get complacent. Little baby steps is the way to go.
Tuesday, 14 August 2007
It's the little things in life...
.... like hearing the words;
"The CT results are back. Your lungs look normal, your liver looks normal, there are no enlarged lymph glands to worry about"
that can really put a smile on your face :)
I still have a bone scan to go on the 22nd August. But all being well, the oncologists has told me to go away and they will see me again in 6 months!
I have also made the decision on the next stage of treatment. I have decided (and the oncologist agreed) that taking Zoladex to shut down my ovaries and put myself through an early, prolonged menopause was going a bit far. I will therefore start taking tamoxifen tablets and see how I tolerate it, if I tolerate it well then I might as well keep taking them. If I don't tolerate it well then I don't have to feel bad about deciding it isn't for me and stop taking it. Sounds fair to me!
p.s to all my work folk, I was well chuffed that during today's appointment I managed to discuss clonal selection with my oncologist!
"The CT results are back. Your lungs look normal, your liver looks normal, there are no enlarged lymph glands to worry about"
that can really put a smile on your face :)
I still have a bone scan to go on the 22nd August. But all being well, the oncologists has told me to go away and they will see me again in 6 months!
I have also made the decision on the next stage of treatment. I have decided (and the oncologist agreed) that taking Zoladex to shut down my ovaries and put myself through an early, prolonged menopause was going a bit far. I will therefore start taking tamoxifen tablets and see how I tolerate it, if I tolerate it well then I might as well keep taking them. If I don't tolerate it well then I don't have to feel bad about deciding it isn't for me and stop taking it. Sounds fair to me!
p.s to all my work folk, I was well chuffed that during today's appointment I managed to discuss clonal selection with my oncologist!
Monday, 13 August 2007
Up, Up and Away!!!!
Well, I have just had the most wonderful anniversary ever!!!
James and I went away to the beautiful Peak District. We spent a day near Bakewell going for a little walk/rock scramble and then, after a long fabulous lunch at the Druids Inn in Birchover, we relaxed in the sun by the river at Bakewell Showground.
However, these were not the main attractions and reasons for going. Obviously it was our Balloon ride! The weather conditions prevented our morning flight, however, we were able to reschedule it for Sunday evening and after spending most of the weekend trying to second guess the weather conditions and whether we would fly, all systems were go in the end - Hoorah!
Riding High!
The balloon ride was just the most fantastic experience ever. I can't begin to tell you, but I will have a good go! We got stuck right in helping to inflate the balloon and set it all up ready for our "Exclusive for Two" flight. Then it was jump in and lift off. Take off was a really funny sensation, like being on a huge open air elevator that went very high and very quick. I loved the feeling, it felt really smooth and safe being up there.
We first flew over the peak district and Chatsworth house and then the wind carried us over the rooftops of Chesterfield. We flew pretty low over the houses and I felt like royalty gliding over and waving hello to the people below.
The landing was real good fun and the basket ended up on its side so we felt we had a real balloon experience. No bruises as I had James to hold on to and protect me (i.e cushion my fall!)
All in all it was just amazing (have I said that already!!!). It is all thanks to a wonderful peak-district based charity called Challenge Cancer Through Adventure. They arranged it all for me and covered all the costs and even turned up to get stuck in with the balloon inflating. I cannot begin to express how much I appreciate it. Also, the wonderful Dragon Balloon Company folk who took us up into the air. I would recommend them to anyone. Thanks everyone from James and I!
Friday, 10 August 2007
Scanned.
That's the CT scan done and dusted.
Thankfully I didn't know before hand that a cannula was going to be involved or I might not have breezed in so carefree.... but despite the nurse saying that she could see it was a well-used vein and a bit on the tough side (cheeky!), there were no problems hooking me up.
I had to drink a jug full of nasty tasting liquid during the 30 minutes before the scan, even blackcurrant squash didn't make it taste nice.
I also had to get injected with a radioactive tracer... the nurse told me that I might get hot and flushed and feel like I had wet myself, but that was completely natural!!!!!! what on earth!!!! but when the injection happened - I suppose I could see what she meant.
Then it was just on a table which moved back and forward through the big spinny machine (good scientific term hey!) and I had to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in... hold it..... hold it.......hold it.... breathe out. And that was pretty much it. Well, apart from the radioactive pee that I probably have now :D
Things are still feeling good. My red patch is real sore now :( If I stretch up to quick it is quite painful and feels like I am splitting the skin, which is not nice. Quick grab the tube of aqueous cream and slather it on.
I also am a little miffed that I thought aches would be a thing of the past now free of the Taxol. However, this week I have felt a little like I have been six rounds in the boxing ring. Mainly the small of my back aches like I have been really sitting wrong and despite not having the energy to do much my muslces are convinced I have been doing squats and crunches. If only I looked as though I had been doing squats and crunches....
Thankfully I didn't know before hand that a cannula was going to be involved or I might not have breezed in so carefree.... but despite the nurse saying that she could see it was a well-used vein and a bit on the tough side (cheeky!), there were no problems hooking me up.
I had to drink a jug full of nasty tasting liquid during the 30 minutes before the scan, even blackcurrant squash didn't make it taste nice.
I also had to get injected with a radioactive tracer... the nurse told me that I might get hot and flushed and feel like I had wet myself, but that was completely natural!!!!!! what on earth!!!! but when the injection happened - I suppose I could see what she meant.
Then it was just on a table which moved back and forward through the big spinny machine (good scientific term hey!) and I had to breathe in, breathe out, breathe in... hold it..... hold it.......hold it.... breathe out. And that was pretty much it. Well, apart from the radioactive pee that I probably have now :D
Things are still feeling good. My red patch is real sore now :( If I stretch up to quick it is quite painful and feels like I am splitting the skin, which is not nice. Quick grab the tube of aqueous cream and slather it on.
I also am a little miffed that I thought aches would be a thing of the past now free of the Taxol. However, this week I have felt a little like I have been six rounds in the boxing ring. Mainly the small of my back aches like I have been really sitting wrong and despite not having the energy to do much my muslces are convinced I have been doing squats and crunches. If only I looked as though I had been doing squats and crunches....
Thursday, 9 August 2007
Woo Hoo....
After a little set back a week ago when all my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out all over again.....
.... I am now sprouting a zillion little new eyelashes!
Oh, how I have missed mascara!
Right I am now off to eat lots this evening because in the morning I will be fasting before my scan :(
.... I am now sprouting a zillion little new eyelashes!
Oh, how I have missed mascara!
Right I am now off to eat lots this evening because in the morning I will be fasting before my scan :(
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Rest and Recuperation.
It feels so nice to not be receiving any treatment this week. I am starting to feel much better than I did on chemo.
I have been told that the after effects of Radiotherapy will sadly get worse before they get better. So the next few weeks may have to still be a little low key. Generally redness on what I am terming the "Greater Breast Area" is receding. However the smaller square patch that surrounds my scar and extends under my armpit (where I received my boosters) is getting pretty red now. I have been given some dressings in case the skin starts to breakdown but I am hopeful that it is holding up very well.
My body is still very tired and I will have to make allowances for it for a little while yet. I have made an appointment with occupational health for the 12th Sept about planning my return to work. This will be a scaled return to work to build me back up to full hours gradually.
As for the future of this blog.... I will still be writing the blog as I will continue to get check-ups, doctors appointments and this-and -that to do with the cancer for some time (i.e for ever). However hopefully I will gradually start to move away from "cancer land" and it will become more like popping back now-and-then as opposed to all the time. To reflect this I have changed the title of this blog to 'living with breast cancer' as opposed to 'beating breast cancer'. I have come to realise that the words 'cure' and 'remission' don't really apply to breast cancer because it can rear it's ugly head again at any point. Therefore, I think the term the doctors would use for me now would be "NED" or "No Evidence of Disease". But, that will do very nicely for me :D
I have to go for a Thorax and Abdomen CT scan on Friday and then an appointment with my Oncologist for more of the Tamoxifen discussions next Tuesday. That's all fitted around this exciting hot-air balloon ride.... I don't dare to hope the weather will remain like this for the weekend.
I have been told that the after effects of Radiotherapy will sadly get worse before they get better. So the next few weeks may have to still be a little low key. Generally redness on what I am terming the "Greater Breast Area" is receding. However the smaller square patch that surrounds my scar and extends under my armpit (where I received my boosters) is getting pretty red now. I have been given some dressings in case the skin starts to breakdown but I am hopeful that it is holding up very well.
My body is still very tired and I will have to make allowances for it for a little while yet. I have made an appointment with occupational health for the 12th Sept about planning my return to work. This will be a scaled return to work to build me back up to full hours gradually.
As for the future of this blog.... I will still be writing the blog as I will continue to get check-ups, doctors appointments and this-and -that to do with the cancer for some time (i.e for ever). However hopefully I will gradually start to move away from "cancer land" and it will become more like popping back now-and-then as opposed to all the time. To reflect this I have changed the title of this blog to 'living with breast cancer' as opposed to 'beating breast cancer'. I have come to realise that the words 'cure' and 'remission' don't really apply to breast cancer because it can rear it's ugly head again at any point. Therefore, I think the term the doctors would use for me now would be "NED" or "No Evidence of Disease". But, that will do very nicely for me :D
I have to go for a Thorax and Abdomen CT scan on Friday and then an appointment with my Oncologist for more of the Tamoxifen discussions next Tuesday. That's all fitted around this exciting hot-air balloon ride.... I don't dare to hope the weather will remain like this for the weekend.
Friday, 3 August 2007
Stick a fork in me, I'm done!
That's it!
I especially requested that Kylie sang me out on my last one :)
I especially requested that Kylie sang me out on my last one :)
Give the girl an Oscar.
Well, I have reached it! It is my last one.
I am feeling quite excited about getting what will hopefully be my last ever hospital-based hard-core treatment. I cannot guarantee that I won’t feel a bit emotional later on. But, with Kylie to sing to, I can hopefully get through the last treatment without a blub (tears of happiness obviously).
Gosh, I have made it. It wasn't all that bad! (Ha ha I can say that now!).
I count myself so lucky that I have had so many people there to support me through it. A great family who have treated me just like the same old Dawn. Only my brother could continue to take the piss out of me and get away with it, and I love him all the more for it too! Laughter being the best medicine and all that. I also have very special friends who realised how important it was for me to have something to look forward to and who visited me and took me out of the house! I know so many people who’s outlook on life has been changed knowing what I have been through and that can only be a good thing. You never know what’s round that corner!
A week on Sunday it will be my 1st Wedding Anniversary too. The last year has been both the best and the worst year of my life. I am so glad that I have been married throughout all this. It really makes a difference to say “My husband will be taking me to chemo” and “My husband will be coming to the appointment with me”. James has helped me get through this more than anyone could imagine. Little did we know on 12th August last year when we made vows to support each other through life how poignant they would turn out to be. He has been there at every doctor’s appointment, held my hand through every chemo treatment, kept my spirits up when they could have been down and just been the best husband a girl could ask for. I am not going to apologise for getting all soppy here, I am so proud of him and that he has supported me through everything, cared for me when I needed it and kept things running while having to work harder than ever. It hasn’t been easy but he has been my rock and I am sure we could face whatever the future may bring together. I love him now more than ever before!
Wow, this has almost turned into an Oscar acceptance speech, Gwyneth Paltrow eat your heart out! After I finish typing this post I will be heading off to get that last zapping and I better go now before I start blubbing all over my laptop!
Whippppeeeeeeeeeeee!
And Yes, I will be having a glass of champagne tonight!
(and next weekend too when James and I have our “Exclusive-for-two” Hot-air balloon ride arranged for us by a cancer charity to celebrate the end of treatment and our anniversary, but more info on that should the weather hold out for it to go ahead).
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