Farewell Fringe

Today I have said goodbye to my fringe. I've had my hair cut short in readiness for my chemo. Feeling OK about it - had a small wobble in the hairdressers chair when I realised this was actually going to happen - but I wasn't that worried about having my long hair cut off, rather that I had to say goodbye to my new fringe which I had finally got after my wedding. I loved it and didn't feel ready to say goodbye to it! But its all gone in favor of my new elfin look.
I've been told that I will loose my hair during the chemo and so I thought that having it short before hand might mean it is not so much of a shock when it happens. It also might help me keep it for just that little bit longer if I am not pulling tangles out with my brush all the time.
So, New Year - New me!

Chemo plan.

The meeting with the oncologist went well yesterday. It involved intense discussions about the treatment available to me and clinical trial options but I think we have decided on our course of attack. If I have understood rightly I have been downgraded from High risk to Medium risk as a result of the good news that the lymph nodes were clear. However, they still want to give me the treatment recommended for high risk patients because I am young, had an aggressive grade 3 tumour and have a lot of years ahead of me to remain disease-free. This treatment is harder to tolerate but I will know that I am giving myself the best chance with the maximum treatment available. From what I understood the clinical trial option would provide only standard treatments and was aimed at reducing the side effects for all breast cancer sufferers rather than concentrating on the maximal hit for a younger lady such as myself.

Therefore my drugs of choice (which won't mean much to anyone I am sure) are 4 cycles of EC chemotherapy [epirubicin and cyclophosphamide] followed by 4 cycles of Taxotere. This is not set in stone I am sure and could change depending on my response. I will start this on the 9th of January. I will most likely spend most of the morning/day in clinic so they can do blood test to check my white cell count is high enough to tolerate the drugs, make up my prescription, administer it along with a saline drip over about an hour and just check I am OK afterwards I guess. They will give me anti-sickness drugs to take as well. I then get a rest period for 3 weeks to allow my white cell count to return to normal. This completes the "cycle" and I will begin with the next cycle. I am looking at 8 cycles in total with the day of treatments usually being Tuesday because they have a special chemo clinic for breast cancer sufferers on those days.

For those of you who are disgusted by my constant obsession with "colour" you may want to look away now..... Epirubicin = Red pee for 24 hours :-D

meeting oncologist today

I am feeling really positive about today's appointment. We will be meeting with the oncologist later to discuss which drugs they are thinking of giving me. I really want the chemo, it is still possible that even with the cancerous tissue removed and gone it can recur in other parts of the body. It then becomes "secondary cancer" and is no longer curable - which is a bit pants. My understanding is that it can be controlled for many many years in many cases, but I am not going to let it get to that stage. So, this is where the chemo comes in, killing cancer cells that may have escaped into my bloodstream. This gives me the best chance of disease-free survival which is why we do it - despite it being a horrendous thing. I am keeping an open mind at the moment about that side of things. I am ready to give in completely to what my body says and just sleep if it says sleep. On the other hand it might not affect me as much as others and it could just be something to be endured once in a while in between a normal everyday life (although i do have a tendency to be feeble at the best of times normally). Anyway, I almost cannot wait to get in there and discuss all about the chemo and really want it to start as soon as possible. So obviously I will be straight back on the blog to document everything (and to think I thought I might never come and write on this - its so therapeutic!)

Dear All,
I hope you will understand that I have been slightly pre-occupied recently and so have failed miserably on the christmas card side of things this year. But, what better place to send out my christmas cards this year than on my blog!! I hope you all will be having a great christmas, I am sure James and I will make the most of every minute of it. Hope to see you all soon in the New Year.
Love Dawn and James xx

Christmas Cheer!

It's good news!!!!

Today I got the pathology results from my surgery and it's great news :-)

They are very satisfied that they have removed a large margin of tumour-clear tissue around the lump and so will not need to remove any further tissue from the breast. Fab!

I had 3 sentinel lymph nodes removed during surgery (the first ones which any cancerous cells would get to... that's what the blue dye was for) and they came back free from cancer. Fab! Fab!

This means its fantastic news if it hasn't spread to the lymph nodes and I probably caught it quickly. Got to digest the news a bit now and it's still only the start of a long journey yet, but hearing my consultant say "My prognosis is good" is the best Christmas present James and I could get! Everyone was all smiles for me in clinic. I now just need to battle anything it may have left in my body to stop it coming back again or going somewhere else - and for that we have chemotherapy and radiotherapy. I will most likely also get hormone therapy with Tamoxifen for 5 years as well because the pathology has shown my tumor is probably oestrogen hormone sensitive. But now the surgery is done and dusted I can start thinking about all these next steps.

On a less important note, I have had my dressings taken off and the results revealed to me for the first time.... and its fab too! Seeing as they have taken out tissue the size of a plum it still looks the same as normal - bar a long scar on my breast and another under my armpit. I am so impressed. We are now full-steam-ahead for chemotherapy and I have an appointment made for this Thursday to discuss my drug regime etc and so I recon we are looking at starting early in the New Year - bring it on!

Feeling great and looking forward to a great Christmas!

These days I only get out of bed for champagne!

Today has been my first full day out of PJs!!!! I have been to the wedding of my friend Josie and it was definitely worth getting out of bed for (she looked beautiful, had a wonderful dress, a wonderful day and fantastic food). I had a few "medicinal" glasses of champagne.... which I have read with eagerness is apparently fantastic during chemotherapy - this may be a myth perpetuated by chemo patients but it is definitely one I am willing to investigate.... I think it has something to do with your tastes changing during chemo so you go off red wine and prefer the finer things in life, such as champagne.... it may also be something to do with the bubbles... I think this subject is something I will be looking into with further scrutiny.
Anyway, I have been really chuffed that I was able to get into a dress - swelling and dressings included. All in all I have had a great day - I think the fact that I was seated on a sofa with big cushions during the meal might have helped somewhat. I think I am now ready to start easing myself back into society.... but just for now I am back in the PJs.

Just a quick post before the weekend to say that everything is still going really well. Gradually getting more and more movement back in my arm and I am even thinking of progressing onto slightly harder exercises. As far as I can tell everything seems to be healing up well and the swelling is gradually going down (I still have to keep the dressings on until next week when they will be first uncovered in clinic). I think my muscles are suffering and can be quite painful when I move at times - but I am generally painkiller free now. I still am relying on James a lot and he is looking after me brilliantly. However, I may have to face that I could soon be well enough to do the washing up!!! We will be going into clinic next week for the results and I should hopefully know what the next stage will be by Thursday so will keep things posted.

Yes, you've guessed it....

...recovery, recovery and more recovery! Today I have mainly spent the day in bed watching more episodes of CSI. I have done my exercises and this morning managed to reach my head (although if I am honest my head may have been cocked to one side slightly/a lot). Since lunch I have progressed onto the sofa and will probably spend the afternoon sitting here.... watching more telly and perhaps taking the odd afternoon nap. To be honest, not expecting this blog to pick up in excitement levels for some time to come yet!

more in-depth recovery

Dear all, not much more to report, still ticking along ok. After my attempts this weekend at light everyday activities (such as the adventurous activity of making cups of tea for myself) have left me in pain somewhat - I have returned to a strict diet of bed rest and not doing a single thing :-) sounds delightful but it is really hard work. However, I am working my way through aprox. 48 episodes of CSI and so I think I will be spared from daytime telly for a short while to come. Generally, I still have some numbness down the back of my arm and a tight (often painfull) feeling under my arm pit. My right side is still very swollen and I feel very lop-sided. I have started on my post-op exercises, such as the action of brushing my hair - which I am nearly mastering - although I cannot actually get as far as reaching my head, more like brushing an imaginary large afro! I have also now returned to my original "colourless" state once more.

The recovery continues...

someone's glad to have me home.

Recovery is going well, I am being very well looked after. A bit of sickness and tiredness has kicked in today but it's a good excuse to stay in bed all day and James is happily making big batches of home-made soup and generally tending to my every need.

Home sweet home!

Well, I never in my wildest dreams imagined I would be here writing this from home tonight (but then nothing about our experience over the last few days has been quiet as expected). I was discharged from hospital at 3pm this afternoon - Woo Hoo! (a little over 24hours after going into theatre - which has exceeded all expectations). I am feeling really really good - a little sore and the movement in my arm is a bit restricted, but I am so glad to have had the Op and be back home. The operation went smoothly and I didn't need to stay in for any length of time due to not requiring drains for my wounds. To be honest, I can get a better nights sleep and definitely better food at home to aid my recovery. Last night was spent a little groggy and ever-so-slightly emotional, but I haven't experienced any sickness and have recovered from the effects of the anesthetic quite quickly.
Anyway, post surgery is going really well and we are just about recovering from the roller coaster we experienced to get me there. To cut a long traumatic story short the admission into hospital on Tuesday went a bit wrong when they were unable to find me, and 6 other ladies on the Breast Cancer Surgery list, a bed!!! And No Bed = No operation! So most of Tuesday was spent in limbo waiting to hear a decision on whether I would be cancelled. Finally they decided at 8pm that they were going to bring us into the ward in the morning in the hope that a bed would become available. Therefore, I spent the morning before my surgery sitting in the day room unsure whether a bed would be found and whether I could have my Op. By this point, offering me a mattress on the floor would have resulted in me jumping at the chance. We finally heard that a bed was located and the operation could go ahead around midday.. half an hour later (still sitting in the day room) a trolley turned up to take me to theatre and, as I had still not seen a bed by this point, I was hardly dressed for the occasion. Cue scurrying into a nearby staff room to strip off and jump into a gown. From then on it was plain sailing!
I guess the only other thing left to update people on is whether my bodily fluids mirrored the coloured theme to my operation. And, yes - it is quite disturbing!!!

News flash! (from James – bedside correspondent)

Lump overboard! Dawn went into theatre at lunchtime today and is now recovering in the ward. Although a bit sore she is in good spirits – minus one tumour and three lymph nodes. Early observations reveal that the nipple is more turquoise than blue (see previous post if you don’t know what this refers to). The case continues, watch this space.

What surgery is planned

I am going to go into hospital on Tuesday 5th, I have to go in the night before surgery to get checked over and to fast overnight (I am not looking forward to going hungry). They are planning to do a lumpectomy on the 6th, removing the lump and a margin of tissue and skin surrounding it. Also, they will be carrying out a Sentinel Node Biopsy. This is where they inject a blue dye into the lump and follow the path of where fluid drains from my breast into the nodes under my armpit. By following the dye they can locate the first draining lymph node(s) and remove these. These can then be biopsied. If these come back clear then I think they can be quite happy that cancer has not spread into the lymph nodes and do not then remove any further nodes. If these are positive I will need to go back in for further surgery later on to remove all the lymph nodes (you can have any number - I think 20 is about standard). They also have to check whether they have removed enough tissue during the lumpectomy and have a clear margin of non-cancerous tissue around the tumour, if not then I may need to go back in for more surgery to remove more breast tissue.

Generally, it will take around 10 days after the surgery before they will have all these results and then re-scheduling of operations can begin if necessary. But, I have a very nice surgeon and we are hoping for the best. I could be in hospital from anywhere between 2-8 days depending on how I go. I also will keep everyone posted on the "blueness" of my boob and urine! common side effects of having the dye injected that can last for some time apparently.

Our journey to get here

On Tuesday 5th December I will be going into hospital to have my surgery. It will be exactly 4 weeks since James (my lovely husband) and I had our worlds turned upside down by the news. I never know what I have told everyone so this blog entry is to try and make sure I have filled everyone in on things!

I found the lump on the last day of our wonderful wonderful honeymoon. I can't remember how I found it, I think I must have been putting on suncream or something. Anyway, at the time I wasn't the slightest bit worried by it - I just knew that I would need to go and get the OK from the doctor. So, I got the first available appointment with my GP when I got back - she said she didn't think it was anything to worry about but I should go and get it checked out at the Breast Unit. She phoned up there and then and by 10am that morning I was having an ultra sound. Again I received the news that it looked very much like a harmless fibroadenoma - but just to be on the safe side they had to take a biopsy and I should come back in for the results the week after. So I went back just expecting the all clear.

However, it wasn't to be - 10 days after first finding the lump I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. All I keep hearing is how suprised they all were and none of the team expected it. I also keep hearing how rare it is to get it so young. This I find really hard; I don't want to be unusual - I dont want to be rare - I just want it to be bogstandard. But anyway..... I was assigned a Macmillan specialist breast care nurse who is just so fantastic and has spent a lot of time talking things through with James and I. We had to go back the day after the diagnosis day to have a mammogram (again nothing showed up on this) and have a biopsy done on several enlarged lymph nodes to see if it had spread there. Then we had to come back the following week for the results of this. So far they haven't found cancerous lymph nodes. I also was sent for an MRI as part of a clinical trial (assigned randomly by computer to get the scan or not - it is a real life "computer says no" moment - I got a yes). We went to see my consultant for these results just last week and they found nothing else to worry about in either breast - it was so nice to get some good news, and meet with my very lovely surgeon to discuss all this surgery buisness. It's now 3 days until the surgery and I cannot wait - after the surgery it will be gone and I can start really fighting it and what it may have left in my body.