Wigs 'n' things.

Today I am going to write about hair or lack of it.

I once watched a programme about Gail Porter and her hair loss. It followed her trying out wigs. At the time I couldn't really understand why she didn't get a wig as she looked really good in them. At the end of it she decided to stay bald and I didn't really understand why. I can now totally see her side of things.

I have never really felt the hair loss side of things has been that much of an ordeal. I know it is the biggest thing for many people who go through chemotherapy (and there have been moments when it's not that easy to deal with as I have sat in front of the mirror and felt like a drag queen in wig). But for me I viewed it as part-and-parcel of the whole thing, there was nothing much I could have done to prevent it .
(well there is the Cold Cap but the idea of having my head in a big frosted helmet at -5C was not an option - you have to stay and wear it for 2 hours after chemo and it can give you headaches. My clinic visits are becoming enough of an ordeal on their own thanks very much - so the hair was just destined to go, and it is not guaranteed to work. It is supposed to contract the blood vessels in your scalp and reduce blood flow and therefore reduce the chemo drugs that go round that part of you - similarly if you get mouth ulcers an ice lolly can do the same there).

Yes, having it fall out all over the place was annoying and quite surreal accidentally touching your head and coming away with a clump of hair. But, when I finally took it all off myself with the clippers, it was the best feeling. So much relief that it was gone. Wish I had done it much much sooner actually..

But anyway I digress, back to the Gail Porter thing,

Now, I have 3 wigs which, although not super-undetectable-suits-me-fantastic, I am making the best of. And at times I can feel on top of the world with my Vibrant Red one or super glam with my Footballers Wives curls.
However, I am starting to feel like they are not the real me, when I am wearing them I am putting on a disguise and sometimes I just want to be "me". I don't want my bald head to be something shameful which I have to hide away from all eyes. I want to be bald and proud, because that's the real me. And that is the essence of why Gail does it the way she does I think.. after all hers is permanent. I know mine will grow back.. how it grows back? your guess is as good as mine... my money is on blonde (my sister will be so jealous) and I wouldn't mind a touch of curliness... but that's just to wait and see now.

So, whenever anyone comes to visit me at home most of the time they get the bald me. I have also been to the supermarket and on trains etc. bald and found it really quite funny how many kids just stop and stare. It feels really quite liberating to go "au-natural" in public... a bit like I am doing something naughty like walking round naked or something. But, most of the time I just haven't even thought about it when bald.

So, that's me, bald and hoping to be proud of it!!

However, saying all that.... On impulse on Monday when I went into Leeds to get my pre-chemo bloods done and the spring weather made my wig so hot (long and curly was being sported) I just had to whip it off in the middle of the street!! I decided I couldn't cope through the summer with longs wigs, so on impulse I walked into the Wig shop in Leeds and tried on some short bobs intending to get something short and mousey, similar to my original natural colour. And what did I come out with...........















Yes, platinum blonde bob Dawn is here! It is such a fab wig, its tapered up at the back and feels so much like having real hair again (it should do for £175, although heavily subsidised on a NHS prescription... so that's where all the NHS money has gone - funding my wig habit!). I can style it and play around with so many looks. I think it is definitely one for lazy summer days in shades and down the pub! Am I totally mad??? I hope not, I love it!

So far 5 cycles down, 3 to go, the eyelashes and eyebrows are hanging on in there. They are very fragile and eyelashes are thinning but to have got this far and still have them I am so chuffed. I think the eyebrows and lashes are actually a bigger deal for me than the hair is! I stopped wearing mascara because not only does it accentuate that they are sparse, I don't want to pull them out. I am dreading the eyebrows going. One of them is starting to have a few barely-noticeable bald patches. I feel hair loss you can cover with hats/wigs but I reckon I will look pretty weird without eyebrows and as for drawing them back on...... eek.