I am bouncing back slowly but surely after last weeks storm-in-a-tea cup (I can say that now - it didn't feel that trivial at the time).
It's quite freaky at this particular moment because I am lying in bed with a bit of a sore throat watching This Morning and listening to an item about a lady who went to the opticians for a routine eye test who was diagnosed with a brain tumour because they saw swelling of the optic nerve at the back of the eye. Erm... well that's just a bit freaky.... luckily mine isn't a brain tumour but it shows it wasn't all that far fetched!
I am finding it hard to jump back after last week. Perhaps it's just because I am slightly under the weather. But it all shocked me deeper than I thought possible, deeper than going and getting my original lump results. I think in some ways with breast tumours you can just cut-it-out or lop-it-off but when you start talking about brain tumours that sounds scary - is it operable? do you have to have brain radiation? Is this it?
I think the main thing that hit me was that up to now I have had hope; we cut out the lump and it's gone and I am to be one of the lucky ones who goes on for 10 years and is never worried by it again. However, suddenly I was faced with the idea that I might not be so lucky, that it might have spread and was no longer "curable" (if it ever is!) and we would have to start talking time-scales.
Thankfully it was all nothing and I've popped back into the "hope" category just-like-that. So no more thinking like that for me, just looking forward now.
This is the way it is going to be from now on. Any sysmptom I present with that could be "cancer spread" will have to be investigated. Whereas in any old normal person cancer would be the last port of call in eliminating possible causes, with my past history I am now always going to be fast tracked into cancer world. I expect they won't all be as scary as this particular scare. After all I have been sent for bone scans to check for spread before and that didn't feel anywhere quite as serious. But this is me now. Hyperchondriac central!
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2 comments:
It is pretty awful to be reminded of your own mortality, but you're alive and relatively healthy (despite your manky throat). Enjoy it. After all. you could get run over by a bus tomorrow, or next tuesday, or in 10 years time. And so could I.
Although, I'd be greatful if you could avoid crossing the road until after my birthday party. I want to see your costume. ;)
But this is me now. Hyperchondriac central!
But this isn't too bad a thing. Too few people take any symptom of anything seriously and then fall through the net.
I'm so glad that things turned positive again after the last panic. Anything to do with the head freaks me out too. I have a friend who was diagnosed with a brain tumour last year, his was inoperable and had gotten so large it was causing him to fit. Thankfully they have managed to shrink it right down and he is now doing a hell of a lot better.
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