Brrrrr it's cold outside.....

I could do with a break in the Mediterranean......

Well, what a streak of luck - that's exactly where I am going on Saturday!


James and I are off on Cunard's Queen Victoria for a 12 day cruise round the Med. I am so excited. James has been invited (with guest, me!) as a Royal Astronomical Society speaker on their Insights Programme for guests. He will be giving 4 talks in their on-board theatre on various subjects of his choosing (The Northern Lights and some space stuff) to anyone who wants to go along (I will be!).

So this is our itinery setting sail from Rome;



I am most excited by the Dress code for dinner each night;

Formal (4 nights) Black and White Ball, Masquerade Ball, Big Band Ball and Royal Ascot ball:
Black tie or formal dark suit for men. Evening dress or other formal attire for women.
Semi Formal (5 nights):
Jacket and tie for men. Cocktail dress or trouser suit for women.
Elegant Casual (3 nights):
Jacket, no tie required for men (no jeans or shorts). Dress, skirt or trousers for ladies.

So I have stocked up on my posh frocks, borrowing from friends and going on a bit of a splurge in debenhams last night. I hope to be able to upload pictures of my evening attire while sailing. We will be in an outside statesroom (with a window!). I am also looking forward to the nightly bed turndown service and pillow chocolate!

Champagne Hangover

oooooh I have got a headache today.

I met up with my breast friend Sarah for several glasses of champagne and a bottle of wine (not all of it to myself) last night. She has just slogged her way through her second round of chemo and radiotherapy - what a trouper. We had a lovely time over the champagne and a curry, but being a lightweight these days I am suffering slightly today.

Bye Bye Hixxy Cat.

This week is a very sad week. My lovely handsome ginger cat Hixxy was knocked down and killed on the road the other night. At least a nice person managed to find me so I could go and bring him home in some blankets.

So so sad. Those cats have seen me through some pretty horrible treatments. It's no exaggeration to say that having them here for love and attention while I was off was a great help to get me through it all. I think my little Sy cat knows that I am upset as she hasn't left my side since and comes to cuddle up to me when she sees me crying. Bless her little cotton socks.

Guess it will take a little bit of getting used to not having him around. We'll miss you Hixxy.

The Gargrave Triathlon

Well, James and I have been for our first joint training session. James is planning to do a long-ish run at the weekends and I said in my last post I would get out a bike and join him. So this morning that is exactly what we did.

The weather started off looking quite promising. No rain yet (that was soon to change). So we looked out James's bike from the garage, threw it in the back of the Landy and drove over to Gargrave to run/bike along the Leeds-Liverpool canal tow path.

If James was running and I was biking, where does the swimming part of the triathlon come in I hear you ask? Ah, now that part was all down to me! A slightly misjudged rock on a particularly narrow bit of tow path saw me careering off and landing up to my neck in the (rather chilly) canal. Not entirely sure how I managed to leave the bike safely on the tow path whilst going feet first into the canal, but I did.

I managed to scramble myself out, but did insist at this point that perhaps we turn back. A rather long 30 minutes later I was able to haul a rather wet me into the Landy to go back home, jump into the bath and be brought a warming coffee (+nip of brandy for the shock).

A rather successful first attempt I think.

A Marathon fundraising event

I am really very excited about this.....

James will be running the London Marathon next year! And he is doing it to support my favorite breast cancer charity; Breast Cancer Care. He was selected for one of 20 "golden ticket" places (out of 400 applicants) to run for bcc.

On the application we had to say why James wanted to run for bcc... that was easy as I have a list as long as my arm of services of theirs I have used.

As Breast Cancer Care relies on donations from the public to provide its services free, I decided for a bit of fun to have a little think about just how much I might have cost them... apparently;

• £5 allows 1 person to access the online chat forum and share experiences with other people affected by breast cancer at any time of the day or night . CHECK - oh and have i used these forums... they are a constant source of info, help and support from others for me during treatment and through this forum I have met numerous bosom buddies, including one of my breast buddies who I meet up for the odd glass of champagne and support now and then. I will still pop on there now and then even these days.
  

• £15 would enable us to send out breast cancer factsheets and booklets to 30 people in urgent need of information CHECK - The amount of hand outs and info booklets I have poured over for anything from loosing you hair, side effects of treatment to.... oh lots! and they send them right to your doorstep as well as online info.
  

• £35 covers the cost of a call to our free confidential helpline, offering crucial one-to-one support and information to anyone affected by breast cancer CHECK with bells on- I was part of a Young Women's telephone support group which was just amazing help. Basically they get 7 young-uns together on a conference call every week with a "mediator" and a nurse on hand and for an hour each week we were able to chat through and discuss any issue that were affecting us. It sounds like I was a jibbering wreck about my cancer needing this service - but I don't think I was. It was just nice to talk to other girls about how they were dealing with hair loss, side effects and some of the big issues we all don't talk about that often. I had this every week for 7 weeks as I was going through my treatments.
  

• £65 covers the hourly cost of “ask the nurse” email service which is a vital resource for those who find it difficult to talk about their feelings. CHECK - I used this on a couple of occasions to phone or email a nurse and ask for more info about some of my treatments. If they couldn't answer it they went away, did the appropriate research from all the sources they could and got back to me with advice - fantastic if you think about it. I can't believe I didn't actually think about how much this service might be actually costing them, bcc was just there if I needed it!
  

• £95 connects someone facing breast cancer with a local volunteer who will give that person the opportunity to talk through their experiences of breast cancer face-to-face -CHECK I tried this and was paired with a young "buddy" on the phone when I was first diagnosed and had to take time off work, she helped me overcome the feelings of guilt I was having about having to take some serious sick leave off work, I learnt to relish my time at home in front of the telly.
  

• £400 will fully train a volunteer to provide emotional support and information to people with breast cancer CHECK all the "young women's forum" weekends, healthy living days I pottered off to could not have taken place without the volunteers and staff to make them run. Just Brilliant!
  

So I am so passionate about this charity I can't begin to tell you how excited I am about being able to throw myself into this mammoth marathon fundraising challenge.

We have had to pledge to raise a minimum target of money, but we are up for the challenge. Not only will James be training hard to run the 26 miles (I am going to get a bike to go out and support him on his training runs - that's the plan anyway). I also pledged to hold some fundraising events including a Pink Champagne party... now I have to get my thinking cap on as to what I want to do... I am thinking manicures, champagne, girlie things and gossip (don't worry - James and I also are thinking of planning something the boys can take part in too - unless you are a boy and you like manicures and champagne of course!). And then there is the "Pick me up" fee which is going straight into the pot!

And best of all... I now have something to come and write all about on my blog. I never seem to have anything to say these days (fantastic isn't it!). But now; I have the training schedule (I am determined to match James hour for hour in exercise [pilates, swimming, walking, bike riding and cake baking all count]) and then there is the fundraising planning. Oh how I have missed you dear blog!

That Friday Feeling...

It's 4:30 on a Friday afternoon and I have got that Friday-Feeling.

That really is quite impressive seeing as a little over 24 hours ago I had that Monday-Morning feeling!

You see, I don't work Wednesday's - which breaks up my week a treat - and so when I come into work on Thursday it feels like Monday but with just one more day till the weekend. Result.

Earlier this week I had another occupational health assessment and after a long hour of probing about my physical and mental state, we (my Occ Health Doc and I) decided that I wasn't ready to come back full time and I should give it another 6 months at 4 days a week before I re-asses. He said I was doing very well, but I still feel like I am struggling slightly. So that's the decision and I feel good about it.

Let them eat cake :-D

I think I may have got a little carried away with the baking......

Clockwise from Top;
Dark chocolate-cherry cupcakes
Lemon Syrup loaf
Coconut Macaroons
Chocolate Banana Loaf
Marzipan Fruit Cake x2
Gingerbread x2

So tomorrow I will be packing James off to the Lancaster Macmillan coffee morning armed with cakes and also single-handedly filling the Robert Ogden Center cake stall. I am a cake-machine and that is my bible ;-D

Let the baking commence!

This Friday is Macmillan's "Worlds Biggest Coffee Morning" and my local Robert Ogden centre is taking part. Obviously they will be having a cake stall (as well as a steel band!) and so this week I am going to be miss-domestic-goddess-extraordinaire and have some massive cake baking sessions. I will update the blog with how the baking turns out and how prolific I have managed to be (I have high hopes for reaching record levels of cake baking later this week). So if you are in Leeds on Friday and fancy coming over to the Robert Ogden Centre for coffee and cake to the sounds of a steel band I will be there at 11!

Cake number 1 is already complete; a marzipan fruit cake (care of Nigella) which needed wrapping up for a week (and potentially lacing with rum if I am feeling extravagent) so I thought it would be a good one to get in the bag.

What a Wally!

Well, I can confirm that the lump I found was just a normal lymph node. Doh! silly me.

I went to the breast clinic today to get it checked out and the doctor at first couldn't find what I was talking about (as I expected!)..... but well it was his first day "on Breasts" as he is usually "a Liver man". But after checking with the man above they arranged to do an ultra sound and it looked like just a normal lymph node so they sent me off home. So I felt a bit of a wally, but well you never can tell. I guess that 2 week rule should stay in place for just such eventualities.

Thanks

I need to say a quick thanks to Moira (almost sister-in-law) who found me my great dress that I wore to the wedding this weekend just gone. I was quite chuffed with the £4.50 warehouse dress (care of RSPCA charity shop) and my matching scarf and high-high-high heeled red shoes. Someone I don't know even came up to me and said she loved my dress - don't you just love it when that happens.

lumps and bumps

I made a decision yesterday. I decided to call my breast care nurse. I have bent my 2 week rule (That’s the rule that if I have a strange symptom – I will not panic, I will wait 2 weeks and if it is still there then I will do something about it). Only I can't really be bothered to wait out 2 weeks, it’s on my mind and yesterday I decided I wanted to do something about it now. 1 week ago I felt a miniscule, tiny, blink-and-you’ll-miss-it lump in my neck by my collar bone. It’s soooooo tiny and I was going to give it 2 weeks to see if it was just a knot or random bit of grissle that will just move away. Sometimes it even needs a bit of hunting down when I go for a feel - so it’s probably nothing. But it’s playing on my mind so I thought I would make up a new rule; the Fast Track lump lane! (it’s like those 2+ lanes you get on motorways which by the way are great – we used one on Friday travelling to a wedding and I felt so naughty zooming by all the traffic standing still on the motorway – there should be more of those lanes). Anyway, I called my breast nurse and she is going to see if she could get me back into clinic and have me a little check over. I feel kinda better now I have done that. And now that I have flagged it up you can bet the lump will just go away and I will feel a bit silly about that one!

I have also been sticking my head in the sand a bit lately. I am a scientist so I should know what I am about to say is ridiculous, but such is the way my brain thinks…. The last time I went on a big, great adventure holiday was my honeymoon and when I got back from that things went a little pair shaped. So, I was a bit worried about going on another big holiday cos sod’s law suggests things might go pair shaped again. So in the run up to my holiday I must admit I was almost not opening post because I didn’t want any results coming in which might put pay to a lovely holiday. Now I am back, I am having to do some chasing up…. Blood test results from the Doctors (just checking anemia, liver and thyroid function – pretty straight forward, but the doc had just seemed a little surprised when I said I was still not up to full steam) and an MRI scan results. This is the scan I was supposed to have to find out why I have swollen optic nerves… this was supposed to be done last year, but the system is so poo I got dropped off and had to get my GP to chase up. Anyway about a month before my hols I went for a scan. No word since! But today I made the decision to also chase that up and everything has come back all fine so I can draw a line under that. I am sure the lump will be nothing much either and I bet the Doc won’t even be able to find it… but well to be honest it is 9 months since I had a check up and that seems much too long for my liking so a bit of a prod and poke might be in order anyway.

Top of the World

Well, who would have thought a little over a year ago I struggled to walk to the local shop. Now look at me. I've been to the Canadian Rockies and climbed glaciers and mountains. I've come all the way up from that lake down there. All in all that walk was 15Km! and what a view.


I have also walked up the plain of six glaciers trail from Lake Louise (again 15km return!)



like this.....

I've seen bears (from the car luckily, not out walking - although I had a bear bell and bear spray for just such an eventuality)


and chipmunks....


and stood on ice!



What a great holiday.

365 days

365 days ago I posted this on my blog;


Well, there you go! it's a year since I finished treatment.

It's amazing how quick you forget what it was like to be on treatment. I caught up with my friend's blog who is back on chemo. I read all about the little side effects, the little things you forget and I have to remind myself how far I have come. There was a day when a 5 minute walk to the local shop was way too much for me. Now I am excited about going walking in the Rockie mountains soon.

I have had a good few months where I have almost allowed myself to forget about this cancer thing. I didn't think I would get to a stage where what has happened to me wasn't shaping every thought and action. But, I got there and it is nice. Work has been occupying me. I haven't been thinking about it that much. I am just normal me again. I am looking like me again as well. I am never to know how long things will remain this way I guess, but I am getting quite good at neatly pushing thoughts like that into a far corner of my brain.

This weekend I have got a bit of a throat and ear infection. So not much is happening here. I might go and watch a DVD and cuddle the cats.

A friend I never met

Today I have been stopped in my tracks and now I am just sitting here and don't know what to do with myself. I just popped on to my breast cancer forum for a quick up-date with what's been going on there and found out one of the young girls I knew on there has passed away. I have never met this girl but she was always there online, chatting away, helping everyone out with advice to get through chemo, she was the one who put me onto my wigs on the internet.... and so it felt like I knew her. Hearing this news has brought me up short, she has been ill for a while and I always knew this day would come when one of the big breast cancer influences in my life lost their battle - but I didn't think it would be so soon. This may seem very foreign to everyone, feeling so deeply about someone you never met... but I have followed her journey closely.

She was diagnosed at the age of 29 (yes the same age that I was diagnosed) in July 2005. She got through chemo and came out the other side thinking she had kicked the disease into touch (much as I am feeling now!) but then sadly about 10 months after finishing treatment they found the secondaries; first her liver, then her brain, lungs and bone. It really upset me when 1 week after my "Brain cancer scare" last october I logged on and found out she had been in for brain scan results the same day as me but had come out with results that diverged us off on different paths and sent her down the route of brain surgery and me on the route to normality. I was really impressed that despite in October 07 being told she had 6-9months to live she had battled on and seemed to be holding her own and fighting to get on a clinical trail and the treatment she wanted. It wasn't to be. Her liver became too badly damaged as the tumours grew. Her journey had lasted 3 years. I don't know whether I should be writing all about her here on my blog, but I just felt I wanted to say something and just express how important she had been to me - even if she didn't know it.

Up to date.

Well, I guess it is about time for a little blog update.

A good place to start is the lovely wedding I have been to this weekend. It was really nice; great weather, lovely setting (garden party at the parents house), delectable champagne and yummy food. They had a hog roast and you know how James and I are partial to a good hog roast, ooh it was good. Also it was a lovely catch up with my university girlie friends (+ growing numbers of children too).
























































Everything else is progressing along nicely. I am working 4 days a week (that's 4 days in work with my 2hour/day commute). I am doing well and although I am not the girl I once was energy wise I feel pretty much back to normal. Although just how ready I am to take on the world depends on what day you catch me. On Monday and Tuesday I feel I could be working full time, I am running around here and there, juggling many an activity.... but then come Wednesday (my day off) things seem to slow down and by Thursday and Friday I am struggling to get up in the mornings for work and don't know how I am ever to get back to full time again. But that doesn't last long, after a weekends recharge I am running around taking on the world again.

I have also managed to loose 1 stone in weight since the end of treatment (which is just coming up to a year now - my god!). I think I have lost this weight mainly by being active and going to work and going for walks rather than stopping eating all the things I like. The best way to do it if you ask me.

Generally as things have been going well there is not much more to report.

My Honeymoon Shower Shocker!

I'll tell you what was a shocker - seeing myself on the front cover of the magazine alongside the title "My honeymoon shocker in the SHOWER". I didn't see that one coming. Well actually that's not quite true, I had joked that I might be on the front cover and could you imagine the headline... "my honeymoon horror" - turns out I wasn't that far from reality.

It's good to see that I am alongside such quality articles as;
"Hacked to death as I slept in the next room"
"Broke cos my fat friend was living as me"

....and my number one favorite

"Labour horror - I pushed so hard I blew up!"

Genius!!!

It's quite funny to read about myself in an article that I haven't written.... I think my favorite line in the whole bit is about my wedding day and is as follows;

"I'd sailed down the isle. It sounds so corny, but I felt like a princess"

he he.

and I just love the part where it says;

"James was great. He'd dish up pasta when I felt well enough to eat and kept the house clean" as if a man would never, unless his wife was mortally sick, do the cleaning!!!

Actually, I am happy because my charity bit to promote Breakthrough's 5K run was left in the article, and I was able to plug 2 great charities (Breast Cancer Care and Breakthrough) so I have done my job and I can hold my head up high for those very reasons. And I now know that things are going to turn out alright for me, because Pick me Up says I am clear of cancer and have the rest of my life to look forward to! Don't you love a story with a happy ending.

hmmmm I may now have wet your appetite to read it - doh, that was a mistake! You will find me in doctors waiting rooms up and down the country.

You're having a laugh!!

I've just had a quote for travel insurance for my summer holiday to the Canadian Rockies. I thought I would see what both a single trip and annual policy would cost.

Only £18 for the single policy................... plus £456 to cover for breast cancer!
An annual policy was £1200 premium on top.

This is the company that I have gone to in the past who have previously been great with breast cancer inclusions - but they now have a new underwriter.

OK, so next port of call another company recommended by my online breast buddies and oh look at that..... after going through their medical screening they won't insure me for anything arising breast cancer related.

last port of call... insure pink (the bc friendly insurers). Their basic online quote for a 2 week policy was £70, but yay they cover breast cancer in that!

so do I pay £70 and cover every eventuality, or exclude the breast cancer. I think in this case I am going to pay the £70 to give me peice of mind.

There I am!

There I am! You could be forgiven for not seeing me. Firstly no-one reads those extra bits and secondly I am on page 6!

Anyway, as you can see Nationwide are going to donate 20p to Macmillan for every vote slip returned. They have a target of £250,000 - not a measly sum at all. Last year 979,340 people voted... which if the same this year would give £195,868 (oh i hope my maths is going to hold up here!). But, we can get more!!!! Last year they didn't have all the readers of my blog voting. So your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to vote, get your family to vote, get everyone you possibly know who may have a Nationwide account to get their 20p's worth too.

Have you found me yet?

I've gone NATIONWIDE!

I was quite excited and suprised to find myself dropping through my own letter box today ;-D


I am also down to be in issue 27 of Pick Me Up magazine.... (i'll leave you to work out when that might be!)

There's going to be no getting away from me over the coming months!

I am sure I will be scanning the evidence and putting it on the blog for those who miss out.

A Closer Shave.

Well, I can now happily let you in on the magazine that I was going to be in (was being the important word!). Not anymore though, Closer Magazine have bumped me! They no longer want my story for some reason or other (which I am quite relieved about in all honesty).

However, I am now being passed down the food chain and my story is going to another magazine. This one is more of the "real life story" Take-A-Break style magazine - I am not even sure if it is glossy - and I feel much more comfortable that it has found it's natural place in the world. It will be 6 weeks before the issue comes out and anything could happen in that timescale.

I think I will feel a little less excited about talking to the media after this. The process has seen me sitting on a packed commuter train going home after work talking through my story with the writer on my mobile. It must have been quite odd sitting next to someone talking about "eating their own hair of their pillow". Also, the editors are not even sure they can keep the reference to Breakthrough's Charity Run and their website details in the article. That's only the main reason I agreed to it and despite my contact at Breakthrough's best efforts they are insisting that the word count is really tight. Surely they could cut some of the useless, stupid information they asked me about in the interview!

But the photo's have come through that they might use for the article. At the start of this process a photographer "popped round" and took some photos of me in the garden. He sent me copies of 6 or so, I could only find one or two where I was smiling. I expect they want to use photos of me looking rather disgruntled that I was unfortunate enough to get breast cancer. Here's a smiley one.

Festival fun

This bank holiday weekend I went camping at a music festival. It was such fun, although slightly wet and cold at times (even with my 6 layers on!!!) - but that just adds to the fun (hmmmm!). I went to Glastonbudget; a Glastonbury style festival made up of tribute bands. My favorites were Guns 2 Roses, The Bon Jovi Experience and The Fillers. I certainly had a good bop around.

Today I received....

.. a lovely unique card in the post;



























My friend Hanneke did the Race for Life the sunday before last. She and her international team of girlies ran/walked and raised lots of money for Cancer Research UK. The runners get to stick notes on their back if they have been touched by cancer or know someone who has been touched by cancer. Hanneke dedicated her run to me, as you can see. Her team then all signed the back with messages and sent it to me in the post. How nice is that!

Selling Out

Well, I’ve gone and proved I will do anything in the name of charity. I’ve only gone and sold my BC-story to a well known celebrity gossip magazine, oh the shame!

Why have I done this, well I have 3 reasons;
1. Breakthrough breast cancer contacted me and wanted someone to speak to the media about their story and to raise awareness of breast cancer in younger women (a very worthwhile reason and if it encourages girls who find a lump to get it sorted then it’s a very good thing!)
2. By doing the article I would help promote Breakthrough’s 5K charity walk to raise all important funds (again, an important cause).
3. I would get a nice wadge of cash that I could donate to charity and give myself a warm fuzzy feeling (I am thinking Breast Cancer Care or the Willow Foundation - I will not look at shoes!!!!!)

I am not going to tell you when it will be or which celebrity gossip magazine (apart from it’s definitely at the trashier end!) because I would rather you all didn't look at it. But, I have decided that letting you all in on why I have done it is probably better than you all coming across it out of the blue. So if you are ever in a doctors waiting room or on a train journey with a magazine and you come across me in an article sandwiched between;

“Jordan's big botched boob job”

and

“My husband ran off with my sister-in-law’s-best-friend's-granny”

do please remember the 3 very commendable reasons above!

Oh, and remember, although it’s going to be written in the First Person, I won’t have written it! The freelance writer is going to do that after we have a “phone interview”..... I can just see it now ...“Dawn was only 29 and on her honeymoon when disaster struck and she found the lump that was going to change her life for ever……”. So that's it for me now and being the new face of breast cancer. I am going to be like one of those models who can’t be taken seriously because they once did a glamour shoot – there goes my high-brow media darling career flying out of the window.

Anyway, I better go – I have to go and fill out the application form for the Jeremy Kyle show :-D

Developments on going Nationwide.

After sitting at my letter box and waiting for the postman to deliver ME through my letterbox, I contacted my contact at Nationwide and asked when I could expect to see it so that I could move away from the letterbox until it was time. She said that the AGM forms and Internet sites are now almost complete and voting starts in June - so it must be imminent. Plus they have invited me to go down to Birmingham for the actual AGM to see how much money gets raised by the initiative! Now, AGM probably equals boring.... but I am slightly tempted by the celebrity status - oooh perhaps I would have to collect a huge cardboard cheque like they do on comic relief ;-D

18 month breast cancer survivor!

Now, I think this is how it works; I've reached the 18 months since diagnosis time point (well I will have in exactly 3 days). I am not sure whether you count from diagnosis or the end of treatment ... but I guess I am still here 18 months after my diagnosis, so that's 18 months of surviving since the unwelcome intrusion of that little lump into my life.

I am regularly giving myself a check over and apart from the odd "was that a lump, was that scar tissue dilemma" the boobs seem to be behaving themselves. I'm not reading too much into this milestone... and sometimes I do feel like I have a little internal ticking timepiece that's just waiting for a tapping on the shoulder and interruption to a very pleasant little life. And I am enjoying life at the moment. I am working 4 days a week (3 in work, one from home) and I am in a really great little routine. I feel like I am still challenging myself with this, just enough to stretch myself and feel I am slowly pushing up what I can achieve. I am getting into the exercise; Swimming, Pilates and the new goal I've set myself to get out and get at least a 15min-30minutes walk every day (not when I am swimming or doing Pilates of course that would just be silly amounts!). Then there's my exciting little vegetable patch and garden to be getting out in the sun to play with. After the disastrous fight with the slugs last year which resulted in about 1 lettuce and 1 courgette, I have decided to take a different track and am going down the Soft-Fruit route. I have raspberry, blackcurrant and blueberry bushes, strawberries and the ever increasing rhubarb-it really is very exciting (well I think it is ;-D). Oh, and I've been and had my first real hair cut and highlights. Well, hidden highlights - what the point of paying for highlights that you cant see is, I don't know - but the hairdresser made it sound really funky! Then I have had some new front teeth (I've had a nice new bridge at the front that I have been putting off for the last 18months!). And, yes, that's about it!

Things are just tickety-bo right now (which is probably why I've gone all quite on the blog front).