Woo hoo, yesterday I went for my chemo half-way point medical review! It feels like it has gone really quickly, however, if I think about having the same again still ahead of me to face it's quite daunting. Especially as it is getting harder each time round in clinic.
The doctor went through the side effects which I might have to face with my new drug Taxotere and how it will be administered. She also went through things to look out for which might be signs of dangerous infections and which would need me to phone the emergency line at the hospital. I have to look out for things such as feeling very wiped out along with a sore mouth (which sound pretty much like the normal side effects of chemo to me!!!).
Most of the appointment was spent examining me about my cold (which is still very much there). She didn't think it needed hospital admission (yes you did hear right... hospital admission over a common cold!!!!) but they took some blood tests and let me go home and said they would call if there were any problems. She sent me home with some pre-emptive antibiotics to take over the next week before my chemo because viral things can often develop into bacterial infections. The threshold of administering antibiotics is much lower in an immunosuppressed patient and we really want to get me better for my chemo next Tuesday. She did say they could delay the chemo a few days but it's so important to me to try and keep on track. grrrr... so I am still pretty worse for ware.
However, I did get a good giggle in the clinic...
I was weighed by the nurse before seeing the doctor. The official figures are in and I have put on over a stone since my pre-chemo weigh in. However, when I went in to see the doctor she had to go and re-weigh me because she couldn't quite believe I had put on so much weight since the start of chemo. Yes, the scales were correct!!! She is now deciding whether to recalculate my drug dosage due to my increase in body weight. he he ;-D
Don't worry it wont detract me from my high calorie diet, I think I am going to stick with James' lovely cooking (I had to put that in there because he got all offended when I blurted out "I'm eating lots of crisps" to the doctor when she asked about the weight increase!)
Friday, 30 March 2007
Wednesday, 28 March 2007
Stinking cold :(
Well, I guess it was inevitable given the state of my immune system, I have caught a stinking cold :(
I was really surprised by how quickly it came on. An hour after going to bed, with no signs of anything at all, I woke up with a really sore, scratchy throat. Two hours after this it included a tight painful chest... and then within another hour I was really snotty and struggling not to choke when I tried to sleep. Unfortunately, I cannot ignore the coincidence that it came on straight after letting my hair down and experimenting with an evening of boozing while on chemo :( am I not allowed ANY fun!!!!!
James and I had travelled down to Leicester the night before our special night away for a boys poker night and it's rival girls fondue party. It was so nice to let my hair down (yes, I know I don't have any!!!) and have several glasses of sparkling wine over an evening of general chitter-chatter and cheese (ummmmm cheese). So, when I got up the next morning on James' birthday ready for our special day away feeling rotten and not having had any sleep I didn't half feel a bit sorry for myself. However, I managed to dose myself up and pull myself together and we pootled off to Rutland for a very relaxing afternoon and evening none-the-less.
I had booked us into Beech House in Clipsham, Rutland. A cute little guest house over the road from it's michelin-starred restaurant The Olive Branch. We stayed in the Double Cream room complete with roll top bath in the middle of the bathroom. Very lovely. We also had a very enjoyable evening meal in the restaurant.
Anyway, now I am back home and snuggling up to get myself better. I guess my low immune system had been just about keeping the germs at bay and then I went and hit it with a bit of alcohol and so it gave up it's fight. I guess the one upside is that I didn't have a hangover to go with it (perhaps because being on chemo my body is used to feeling like its got a bit of a hangover at most times). So get better body you have another chemo hit to take next week. I am not going to let this little hitch stop me from continuing to enjoy the odd glass of champagne in the future, but it may make me think twice before having anything more than just the odd glass.
I was really surprised by how quickly it came on. An hour after going to bed, with no signs of anything at all, I woke up with a really sore, scratchy throat. Two hours after this it included a tight painful chest... and then within another hour I was really snotty and struggling not to choke when I tried to sleep. Unfortunately, I cannot ignore the coincidence that it came on straight after letting my hair down and experimenting with an evening of boozing while on chemo :( am I not allowed ANY fun!!!!!
James and I had travelled down to Leicester the night before our special night away for a boys poker night and it's rival girls fondue party. It was so nice to let my hair down (yes, I know I don't have any!!!) and have several glasses of sparkling wine over an evening of general chitter-chatter and cheese (ummmmm cheese). So, when I got up the next morning on James' birthday ready for our special day away feeling rotten and not having had any sleep I didn't half feel a bit sorry for myself. However, I managed to dose myself up and pull myself together and we pootled off to Rutland for a very relaxing afternoon and evening none-the-less.
I had booked us into Beech House in Clipsham, Rutland. A cute little guest house over the road from it's michelin-starred restaurant The Olive Branch. We stayed in the Double Cream room complete with roll top bath in the middle of the bathroom. Very lovely. We also had a very enjoyable evening meal in the restaurant.
Anyway, now I am back home and snuggling up to get myself better. I guess my low immune system had been just about keeping the germs at bay and then I went and hit it with a bit of alcohol and so it gave up it's fight. I guess the one upside is that I didn't have a hangover to go with it (perhaps because being on chemo my body is used to feeling like its got a bit of a hangover at most times). So get better body you have another chemo hit to take next week. I am not going to let this little hitch stop me from continuing to enjoy the odd glass of champagne in the future, but it may make me think twice before having anything more than just the odd glass.
Friday, 23 March 2007
Much better now
Back on track I think now. I have spent all morning getting bathed, make-up-ing, moisturising head, putting wig on in readiness for going to meet James for a quick drink after he finishes work (and his last lecture of the term) and I think the results actually make me look normal once again. It has certainly helped to make me feel normal again and up to the trip. (oh, apart from the most massive spot right in the middle of my chin, practically a second head! where did that come from, typical!)
Next week is an exciting week as it is James' birthday and I have booked us a special night away in a hotel and fancy restaurant. It will be my first night away from home since my surgery last year so I am looking forward to it very much. So there won't be much blogging until I come back and report on the success of the trip. I feel I have seriously let everyone down recently through my lack of champagne consumption (can't remember when I last had a proper drop of alcohol), therefore I plan to hopefully be able to remedy that next week :-D
Next week is an exciting week as it is James' birthday and I have booked us a special night away in a hotel and fancy restaurant. It will be my first night away from home since my surgery last year so I am looking forward to it very much. So there won't be much blogging until I come back and report on the success of the trip. I feel I have seriously let everyone down recently through my lack of champagne consumption (can't remember when I last had a proper drop of alcohol), therefore I plan to hopefully be able to remedy that next week :-D
Thursday, 22 March 2007
Just figures.
I've just come across these figure... dunno how they make me feel... but I thought they were interesting.
Risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer up to the age of 30: 1 in 1,900
(guess that makes me bloody unlucky, but not as unlucky as I would have thought I suppose)
Risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer up to the age of 25: 1 in 15,000 (I know of a lovely girlie who's only 22 so that's even unluckier).
(risk up to 40: 1 in 200)
(risk up to 50 : 1 in 50)
and 8 out of 10 breast lumps are benign.
For completeness and the scientist in me Source: The Lavender Trust
Risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer up to the age of 30: 1 in 1,900
(guess that makes me bloody unlucky, but not as unlucky as I would have thought I suppose)
Risk of being diagnosed with breast cancer up to the age of 25: 1 in 15,000 (I know of a lovely girlie who's only 22 so that's even unluckier).
(risk up to 40: 1 in 200)
(risk up to 50 : 1 in 50)
and 8 out of 10 breast lumps are benign.
For completeness and the scientist in me Source: The Lavender Trust
Wednesday, 21 March 2007
Slowly picking up.
I think I am on the up again. It's been a strange start to this one though.
My body has hardly even felt like it is there sometimes and I have been getting a bit dizzy/feint. It's probably my blood getting zapped and could be a touch of anemia as I was looking a bit peaky and my lips were practically white. I get a bit breathless going upstairs too so I have self-diagnosed the anemia thing and am tackling it the dietary way (I am not being selective - if I eat enough I am bound to get some iron in there ;-D).
I think I have turned a corner and am starting to pick up though. I toddled down to the village (I walked soooooo slow it was almost funny) and had a reflexology to help me along today.
I've had a lovely visit from my lil' sis and we have bonded over a shared love in pigging out! (my new found appetite for eating crap, and lots of it, is a great improvement in my sisters eyes - Love you Jo!). So there has been lots of girlie lying around on the sofa wrapped up in snug blankets and watching films. Perfect when you are a little low!
My body has hardly even felt like it is there sometimes and I have been getting a bit dizzy/feint. It's probably my blood getting zapped and could be a touch of anemia as I was looking a bit peaky and my lips were practically white. I get a bit breathless going upstairs too so I have self-diagnosed the anemia thing and am tackling it the dietary way (I am not being selective - if I eat enough I am bound to get some iron in there ;-D).
I think I have turned a corner and am starting to pick up though. I toddled down to the village (I walked soooooo slow it was almost funny) and had a reflexology to help me along today.
I've had a lovely visit from my lil' sis and we have bonded over a shared love in pigging out! (my new found appetite for eating crap, and lots of it, is a great improvement in my sisters eyes - Love you Jo!). So there has been lots of girlie lying around on the sofa wrapped up in snug blankets and watching films. Perfect when you are a little low!
Monday, 19 March 2007
Flat as a pancake!
Well, I have been a bit flattened by this one. I am just about getting back up onto my feet today. It seems to have taken every last bit of my energy and left me struggling to lift my body out of bed or up the stairs. But not to worry, I have taken the opportunity to curl up with the cats for a few days.
Today, I am battling it and am determined to get going once again. I have put an action plan into place for this cycle to deal with the little "low-point" that I experienced on other cycles around day 6-7 and have a few friends and family booked in for little cheering visits :D
Today, I am battling it and am determined to get going once again. I have put an action plan into place for this cycle to deal with the little "low-point" that I experienced on other cycles around day 6-7 and have a few friends and family booked in for little cheering visits :D
Thursday, 15 March 2007
my second day after chemo
pill tally today: 14
current mood : bit slow and lethargic
that's about it.. read a bit... watched telly a bit.... holding up alright.
current mood : bit slow and lethargic
that's about it.. read a bit... watched telly a bit.... holding up alright.
Wednesday, 14 March 2007
In the chemo clinic.....
Firstly, I had a chat with the nurse to run through my side effects check list;
Sickness (check), infections (nope), Breathlessness (nope), Pain/tingling in arms/hands (check), diarrhea (no comment), constipation (again no comment, but it makes me laugh how 2 extremes of a spectrum could either be possible), indigestion (check), mouth soreness (Nope).
The pain in my arms I realised had been due to my chemo drugs and the nurse confirmed this. The Epirubicin can irritate and damage the veins in my chemo arm. This can cause vein hardening and shortening and so give pain when I extend my arm. We went ahead with my last Epirubicin chemo but need to keep an eye on it because it can cause problems (oh joy, a problematic second arm to match my problematic surgery arm... I think all that will deserve its own blog post at some point). But I think she said Taxotere is less damaging to the veins.
So I was into the chair at 11:30 and popping my arm into a warm bucket of water to get my veins to show. The hunt began!
********************Squeamish look away now ****************
My veins all looked very good apparently... but they decided not to play ball. This is common, it becomes harder as the chemo goes on and the veins harden. First lovely nurse Shanti had 2 attempts in my hand and got the needles in... but not properly... I won't go into how they check... that's not for the feint hearted. Then switch to lovely Sister Emma, who had another 2 goes moving up to my wrist by my thumb and into my forearm (they progressively have to move higher and can only use my left arm as I cannot have needles stuck into my surgery arm due to lymph node surgery and risk of lympohdema swelling [again for that other arm post].)
Cue Dawn's first mild tear shedding. I began to get scared they wouldn't be able to do my chemo and would have to resort to a line straight into my chest which I really do not want. But then came nurse Martin who's been doing this 12 years and he had a go into my forearm after telling my NOT TO MOVE, I could scream, cry whatever, but don't move... YIKES talk about relaxing me. But it was one of the least painful attempts and was completely successful so hurrah!
********************Squeamish can come back now*************
Then we progressed with my drip and drugs. At some point the nurses had a chat about there being no back flow to the drip (read between the lines it could have been leaking away into my tissues and causing serious damage), so they had to look out for blistering and pain. This is where I got my second teary session.... It's actually very hard to describe pain. Before this chat I had mentioned to James it was uncomfortable... but was it just discomfort from having a needle there, was it due to me thinking about it and building up the pain, or is it a pain... I got a bit frustrated as I couldn't describe it. But turns out all fine and no problems whatsoever developed. The Cyclophosphamide wasn't nearly as bad this time but still gave me funny feelings in my nose and nausea (which i am going to have to stop typing about as its making me queasy thinking of it).
So we left around 1:30, thank you very much, see you in 3 weeks.
Oh, and the things I put in my pre-chemo blog didn't actually happen... I decided my wig was too itchy to wear on a chemo day (it doesn't usually itch either) and we never got round to playing that scrabble.
and back home...
Breakthrough! I didn't vomit!!! hurrah!
Arrived home at 2:30 and straight into bed. The crap feelings are starting earlier now and so I just go to bed and become pretty immobile to avoid vomit inducing and I tend to communicate in grunts (I had to dictate my blog entry to James). But this time no sickness. I managed to keep down 2 crumpets and marmite.
Pill tally for the day: 7
Sickness (check), infections (nope), Breathlessness (nope), Pain/tingling in arms/hands (check), diarrhea (no comment), constipation (again no comment, but it makes me laugh how 2 extremes of a spectrum could either be possible), indigestion (check), mouth soreness (Nope).
The pain in my arms I realised had been due to my chemo drugs and the nurse confirmed this. The Epirubicin can irritate and damage the veins in my chemo arm. This can cause vein hardening and shortening and so give pain when I extend my arm. We went ahead with my last Epirubicin chemo but need to keep an eye on it because it can cause problems (oh joy, a problematic second arm to match my problematic surgery arm... I think all that will deserve its own blog post at some point). But I think she said Taxotere is less damaging to the veins.
So I was into the chair at 11:30 and popping my arm into a warm bucket of water to get my veins to show. The hunt began!
********************Squeamish look away now ****************
My veins all looked very good apparently... but they decided not to play ball. This is common, it becomes harder as the chemo goes on and the veins harden. First lovely nurse Shanti had 2 attempts in my hand and got the needles in... but not properly... I won't go into how they check... that's not for the feint hearted. Then switch to lovely Sister Emma, who had another 2 goes moving up to my wrist by my thumb and into my forearm (they progressively have to move higher and can only use my left arm as I cannot have needles stuck into my surgery arm due to lymph node surgery and risk of lympohdema swelling [again for that other arm post].)
Cue Dawn's first mild tear shedding. I began to get scared they wouldn't be able to do my chemo and would have to resort to a line straight into my chest which I really do not want. But then came nurse Martin who's been doing this 12 years and he had a go into my forearm after telling my NOT TO MOVE, I could scream, cry whatever, but don't move... YIKES talk about relaxing me. But it was one of the least painful attempts and was completely successful so hurrah!
********************Squeamish can come back now*************
Then we progressed with my drip and drugs. At some point the nurses had a chat about there being no back flow to the drip (read between the lines it could have been leaking away into my tissues and causing serious damage), so they had to look out for blistering and pain. This is where I got my second teary session.... It's actually very hard to describe pain. Before this chat I had mentioned to James it was uncomfortable... but was it just discomfort from having a needle there, was it due to me thinking about it and building up the pain, or is it a pain... I got a bit frustrated as I couldn't describe it. But turns out all fine and no problems whatsoever developed. The Cyclophosphamide wasn't nearly as bad this time but still gave me funny feelings in my nose and nausea (which i am going to have to stop typing about as its making me queasy thinking of it).
So we left around 1:30, thank you very much, see you in 3 weeks.
Oh, and the things I put in my pre-chemo blog didn't actually happen... I decided my wig was too itchy to wear on a chemo day (it doesn't usually itch either) and we never got round to playing that scrabble.
and back home...
Breakthrough! I didn't vomit!!! hurrah!
Arrived home at 2:30 and straight into bed. The crap feelings are starting earlier now and so I just go to bed and become pretty immobile to avoid vomit inducing and I tend to communicate in grunts (I had to dictate my blog entry to James). But this time no sickness. I managed to keep down 2 crumpets and marmite.
Pill tally for the day: 7
.....and today
Pill tally for today: 15
Current Mood: Feeling quite bright today
Feeling good which is probably due to a high dose of steroids. Even better than on the other rounds I think and I can walk around the house and am not as hunched over as I usually get. Steroids start tailoring off tomorrow so I will probably go a little bit down hill. I have my bright, bright chemo glow to my cheeks. I have toxic sneezes too, but thats about it. So far, so good.
Just about to have some tomato and basil soup which James is going to bring up for me to have in bed on my brilliant wooden bed tray with legs (yay for being an invalid).
Current Mood: Feeling quite bright today
Feeling good which is probably due to a high dose of steroids. Even better than on the other rounds I think and I can walk around the house and am not as hunched over as I usually get. Steroids start tailoring off tomorrow so I will probably go a little bit down hill. I have my bright, bright chemo glow to my cheeks. I have toxic sneezes too, but thats about it. So far, so good.
Just about to have some tomato and basil soup which James is going to bring up for me to have in bed on my brilliant wooden bed tray with legs (yay for being an invalid).
My Guestbook!
I just want to say thanks to those of you who have added yourself to my guestbook at the bottom of the blog. It gives me a little thrill every time another yellow spot pops up. If you haven't added yourself then I would love it if you could take a minute on one visit to put your pin on my map. I will then have a record of the locations of everyone who has read my blog! how sad am I!
Also I want to say thanks for all the comments you've all been leaving. They really mean a lot and spur me on to get through it. I'm feeling all very positive about it all and knowing that I have people out there who care is so important (what a totally cheesy cliche!!!!)
Also I want to say thanks for all the comments you've all been leaving. They really mean a lot and spur me on to get through it. I'm feeling all very positive about it all and knowing that I have people out there who care is so important (what a totally cheesy cliche!!!!)
Tuesday, 13 March 2007
Chemo day
Time in: 10:00 am
Time out: 1:30 pm
Number of stabbings to find a vein: 5
Number of teary episodes: 2
Current location: bed
Currently feeling: a bit grotty
More info tomorrow...
Time out: 1:30 pm
Number of stabbings to find a vein: 5
Number of teary episodes: 2
Current location: bed
Currently feeling: a bit grotty
More info tomorrow...
Monday, 12 March 2007
And another round.
So, back again tomorrow. I have been trying not to think about it really so that I don't get myself apprehensive and hopefully avoid the anticipation nausea which I had last time. Usual drill, in for 10am... a bit of sitting around in the waiting room... a chat with the nurse to discuss my side effects... TOXIC injection.. and home to batten down the hatches. I am armed with pocket magnetic travel scrabble to distract James and I while we are there. I am thinking of going in with the hat/wig combination shown here (the clinic nurses haven't seen me wigged up yet so I think that will be my choice - although it can all change)
This will be my last dose of the Epirubicin/cyclophosphamide combination before I switch onto a whole different chemo drug (not looking forward to that... I know what I am in for with these ones now and it could be a whole different kettle of fish on the new one - so I will have to start a new Cack-o-Graph!!).
I went this morning and had my blood tests done so hopefully my body will have recovered enough to take the hit (if my cell levels haven't picked back up enough they would have to delay my chemo so I always will my body on just before my tests). I have just received my Tesco online delivery of supplies to keep us going with food for a while and have lots of fruit juices, smoothies and soups for vitamins and fluids which I need to make sure I take on board. James has lager. So we are ready!!!
Sunday, 11 March 2007
Good Ole' Times
This weekend has been my "Third Weekend", my good weekend, where I try and pack in some socialising and normality. I have had my old university girlies visit (from left to right; Hanneke, Cassie, Jo, [Me] and Ruth). They arrived Saturday afternoon for some serious girlie chats and catching up around my place. After a brief pause where they went off to their B&B we reconvened for a great evening at an Italian restaurant where we had a serious pig out (they were only helping me to keep up with the high calorie diet). On Sunday we met up in Skipton for brunch by the canal. Much fun was had by all. Also, not that I am materialistic (sorry, not sure if I have spelled that correctly - Ruth perhaps you could help me out there?), but they came bearing lovely gifts including flowers that had travelled all the way over from Holland. I love you girls!
Wednesday, 7 March 2007
I am not alone...
I was a bit worried after posting my last post, people might think I was mad.... but I've discovered I am not alone in this!!! it's quite freaky. I have just been on a special internet chat for young women with breast cancer organised by breastcancercare.co.uk - and what do the girls there all start talking about - exactly what I put on my post yesterday "how do we deal with the constant fear of reaccurance".. they all mirrored exactly my outpourings of yesterday that the fear of the cancer coming back is the thing that is most worrying them and the fact that we are not screened for secondaries.. we just have to wait till a pain arises and they all worry about every pain they get. Now, I am not saying I am seriously worried that every pain IS a cancer.... but I am scared by it generally but turns out this is entirely normal (well normal once you've got cancer!). and that is quite reassuring to know.
So, I've just admitted I have been on an internet chat room. First the blog, then the chat room... I really am turning into an internet addict. I might as well admit now about my addiction to an internet forum too. But, I don't care... I have found this fantastic site for breast cancer patients... where I can go for advice and support from other breast cancer "ladies" in the UK (turns out I always call them "ladies" whenever I refer to them).
So, I can go and read/post messages about living with breast cancer, its treatment (where I get all my coping with chemo tips), there's even a special section just for us younger women and all our worries (of the 322 members on this site there are 17 of us under 30). I've been able to talk to other young girls, to know I am not the only one out there, because boy is it isolating.
I think it helps. I feel if I need them, there is someone out there who will understand. I am not saying that all you friends and family don't understand in the slightest, because I count myself lucky that I have people out there who care and support me. But, they have been through it too.
Yeah, I know you have to be careful on the internet because you never really know whether someone is really who they say they are... but trust me, you would have to be some seriously dedicated wierdo to pick up all the lingo and blag it as a breast cancer patient. So, I find it helps me to go there once in a while. My name's Dawn and I am addicted to the internet!!!
So, how am I feeling then at the moment. Tired... both my arms really hurt today. They both ache as though I have been using them much to much and they don't really have the energy to pick things up. I didnt sleep all that well last night. I was woken up with pins and needles and numbness in my chemo arm on several occasions. I think the chemo drugs play quite a bit of havoc with the veins in your treatment arm, so I guess this could be why.
I have also been to Leeds today to have a session at the Robert Ogden centre. I was supposed to have another tomorrow but I have cancelled it. The trip to Leeds is starting to become a serious jaunt. I have the energy to do it... but I won't have the energy to do it again tomorrow. All in all I have been out for quite a lot of the day and I feel like I need a day at home now, and so I will.
So, I've just admitted I have been on an internet chat room. First the blog, then the chat room... I really am turning into an internet addict. I might as well admit now about my addiction to an internet forum too. But, I don't care... I have found this fantastic site for breast cancer patients... where I can go for advice and support from other breast cancer "ladies" in the UK (turns out I always call them "ladies" whenever I refer to them).
So, I can go and read/post messages about living with breast cancer, its treatment (where I get all my coping with chemo tips), there's even a special section just for us younger women and all our worries (of the 322 members on this site there are 17 of us under 30). I've been able to talk to other young girls, to know I am not the only one out there, because boy is it isolating.
I think it helps. I feel if I need them, there is someone out there who will understand. I am not saying that all you friends and family don't understand in the slightest, because I count myself lucky that I have people out there who care and support me. But, they have been through it too.
Yeah, I know you have to be careful on the internet because you never really know whether someone is really who they say they are... but trust me, you would have to be some seriously dedicated wierdo to pick up all the lingo and blag it as a breast cancer patient. So, I find it helps me to go there once in a while. My name's Dawn and I am addicted to the internet!!!
So, how am I feeling then at the moment. Tired... both my arms really hurt today. They both ache as though I have been using them much to much and they don't really have the energy to pick things up. I didnt sleep all that well last night. I was woken up with pins and needles and numbness in my chemo arm on several occasions. I think the chemo drugs play quite a bit of havoc with the veins in your treatment arm, so I guess this could be why.
I have also been to Leeds today to have a session at the Robert Ogden centre. I was supposed to have another tomorrow but I have cancelled it. The trip to Leeds is starting to become a serious jaunt. I have the energy to do it... but I won't have the energy to do it again tomorrow. All in all I have been out for quite a lot of the day and I feel like I need a day at home now, and so I will.
Tuesday, 6 March 2007
Worries.......
Now, I try not to get too heavy on this old blog. But, what I am hoping to achieve with this is to help others understand what it is like to live with a diagnosis of breast cancer, so there will be times when I just tell it how it is (there’s also the sheer therapeutic side of voicing all of my woes of course).
So, what changes when you are diagnosed with breast cancer. Your worries change (well obviously…. who got booted off celebrity-big-brother-love-island doesn’t have quite the same importance anymore). But, your worries about general aches and pains change. I don’t think anyone diagnosed with cancer doesn’t dread the idea of secondaries (i.e the cancer has gone and set up home somewhere else and is intent on staying there rent free). And from this day on, I will always view an ache and pain with a mind to this. It isn’t rational…but it happens. I know it is probably way too early for any reccurrence, but I guess secretly I worry my body is riddled with it. The sensible side of me knows that most likely a new ache is just that; a bit of an ache that will subside, however the cancer patient in me can’t help but have a thought flit across my mind “what-if”.
This week my arm aches (not the one from my breast cancer side… that aches anyway ;-D), but my other arm…. A dull ache.. kind of like a bruise growing but not happening inside my forearm… now, I know it is nothing – I would have thought nothing of it before this cancer… and you should bet on chemo there’s gonna be some aches and pains in your body… but, despite this, I think about it… a tiny thought just momentarily flits across my mind.. Is it bone secondaries? So, sensible Dawn imposes the “2 week-rule” that we breast cancer sufferers have assigned to deal with this scenario. If a pain lasts longer than 2 weeks – then you tell, you get it checked. Until then, it’s just your normal every-day ache and pain, nothing more, nothing less. And I reckon after 2 weeks it will have been forgotten… and most probably replaced by another pain on your mind.
So, this process happens… and will probably go on happening forever…even when this diagnosis of breast cancer is far behind me… my mind will never be totally at ease… I hope that it becomes less and I am sure that it will. And even though I know that I am over-reacting, I know that I am being a bit of a hyperchondriac, I just can’t help it. It is just another one of the things that changes in you life after having been diagnosed with breast cancer. So, next time I start complaining about a headache … or bone ache… or some other thing, remember this and tell me to go and take a painkiller (cos I am terrible at taking painkillers and if I took them I wouldn’t have half the aches and pains I end up with, ask my husband he despairs of me on this!). Oh, and this arm ache isn’t anything to actually worry about…. I actually think it is repetitive strain injury from the knitting ;-D
Saturday, 3 March 2007
Happy Brithday Rebeccah and Rob.
Last night I went out in Leeds for the evening. And a lovely evening it was too. It was one of those times when I forgot I was a chemo patient and felt normal again. I felt so full of energy (probably because I was excited about going out and seeing work people again and running on adrenelin or something... I've missed you guys... Thackery Wednesday 3:30 anyone????). I also haven't had a flag today either. I kept my diary free incase of any post-exertion flops... but they haven't materialised. So a success all round!
Thursday, 1 March 2007
who pulled the plug out!
Well this morning I had a bit of a drain, so much for taking my own advice of getting over it by getting up-and-at-it. Felt like someone suddenly pulled out the plug and my energy drained away and so I have again settled myself onto the sofa for a while (see below for update on the trial of my first hobby). I am not going to feel too bad about this as I have successfully been and got my car MOT'd at the garage in the village this morning (3 years old next Tuesday!).
I do also wonder how much this sudden low has to do with the massive, and I mean massive, pile of washing up that is giving me evils me from the kitchen :) oh poor me.... I suddenly came over all weak... I couldn't possibly do all that washing up.... I just had to sit here and make more and more washing up (I am still eating like a trouper!) :)
So I am going to give myself a few hours out and then think about maybe doing the washing up and then making a cottage pie. Woo hoo the fun never stops ;-D
So now onto Hobby Trial part. 1
This hobby is definitely one that suits my OAP-like energy levels. It keeps my hands busy without actually needing any serious concentration (which is quite lacking). The aim is to knit myself a wrap/shawl.... and then go out and buy a new dress to go with it (he he, don't you just love my reasoning). I have utilised the Internet to show me how and now my transition into middle age is finally complete (or have I by-passed that and just gone straight for the old age!). Secretly I am very proud of myself for achieving this. I will be even more proud when I achieve the shopping and buying of the new dress.
This whole task could take some time to achieve so I am planning on investigating some other activities alongside this. The one I have been telling myself I should do all the time so far during chemo is sort out digital photographs for printing and putting into albums... as yet this has not materialised, but I think it should be a great one for sitting down with tea and biscuits in lots of short easy manageable stints.
Another is Gardening. Since moving into the house which was complete with a very lovingly cared-for garden... I have slowly managed to kill off plants left right and center just by touching them. There really is no excuse now for not learning what I am supposed to do with them all (as long as that learning doesn't involve too much reading up on it in which case this interest might not be all that long lived). I can then pop out and tackle tidying/planting one plant every-so often. Nothing too much, but as I have become the most sedentary I have possibly ever been a little light exercises in the garden shouldn't be too hard to achieve surely (he he how many times has a chemo patient said that I bet).
I have written all these down because so far, 3 cycles down, I haven't actually done any of them. So if they are here looking at me I might be able to focus a little more.
I do also wonder how much this sudden low has to do with the massive, and I mean massive, pile of washing up that is giving me evils me from the kitchen :) oh poor me.... I suddenly came over all weak... I couldn't possibly do all that washing up.... I just had to sit here and make more and more washing up (I am still eating like a trouper!) :)
So I am going to give myself a few hours out and then think about maybe doing the washing up and then making a cottage pie. Woo hoo the fun never stops ;-D
So now onto Hobby Trial part. 1
This hobby is definitely one that suits my OAP-like energy levels. It keeps my hands busy without actually needing any serious concentration (which is quite lacking). The aim is to knit myself a wrap/shawl.... and then go out and buy a new dress to go with it (he he, don't you just love my reasoning). I have utilised the Internet to show me how and now my transition into middle age is finally complete (or have I by-passed that and just gone straight for the old age!). Secretly I am very proud of myself for achieving this. I will be even more proud when I achieve the shopping and buying of the new dress.
This whole task could take some time to achieve so I am planning on investigating some other activities alongside this. The one I have been telling myself I should do all the time so far during chemo is sort out digital photographs for printing and putting into albums... as yet this has not materialised, but I think it should be a great one for sitting down with tea and biscuits in lots of short easy manageable stints.
Another is Gardening. Since moving into the house which was complete with a very lovingly cared-for garden... I have slowly managed to kill off plants left right and center just by touching them. There really is no excuse now for not learning what I am supposed to do with them all (as long as that learning doesn't involve too much reading up on it in which case this interest might not be all that long lived). I can then pop out and tackle tidying/planting one plant every-so often. Nothing too much, but as I have become the most sedentary I have possibly ever been a little light exercises in the garden shouldn't be too hard to achieve surely (he he how many times has a chemo patient said that I bet).
I have written all these down because so far, 3 cycles down, I haven't actually done any of them. So if they are here looking at me I might be able to focus a little more.
Wednesday, 28 February 2007
Grand Designs!
Well, I am sitting here happily watching Grand Designs on channel 4. Tonights is based in my village don't you know! I have often gone for a little walk along the lane to have a nosey at what they are doing. Our Hog roast people from the wedding even catered for their (almost) finished party... I wonder if they will be on.... oooh I love seeing my village on the telly, it's so exciting.
Lunch date.
It's amazing how much better you can feel when you have a reason to stop sitting around on your bottom.
Today I had a lunch date with my friend Ruth(seen here with apple pie in the Naked Man cafe in Settle - my new favorite tea room haunt). I am still feeling a little sickly and drained but the cake helped take my mind of it no end. So, I think I may be starting to pick up again and I am definitely not feeling so sorry for myself anymore.
Monday, 26 February 2007
Bit fed up now.
Feeling yucky :(
Suppose I have come down off my steroid "pick-me-up" now and am just feeling icky, sickly, restless yet completely drained. Generally poo! All I have done all day is try eating to take away the sickly uneasy feeling. Feel quite fed up - hence this little moan (but then I guess it is day 6 again and feeling fed up is becoming a bit of a habit at this point of my cycle - it will pass tomorrow and I will be all up and at it again I am sure). Feeling spaced out when I try to do anything and my body is generally starting to ache down to my bones (which it probably is as my bone marrow tries to deal with the massive cell death going on). So more fun in the chemo household!
This weekend hasn't been too bad really. I managed to even try and do a spot of cooking and baking which has included blueberry jam muffins and celeriac and tomato soup... what a domestic goddess I am!
However, today I have also been to my GP and got myself signed off work on proper long term sick leave :( Feel a bit like I have admitted defeat, but on the other hand part of me feels relieved that I don't have to beat myself up about not being able to cope with work. I will just see how it goes from now on and if I manage anything then bonus! I guess I was probably a bit naive about the extent of fatigue that hits and thought I could carry on through... hmmmmm had to re-think that one slightly. So any ideas for a laid-back, no-energy-required hobby that I can start taking up then let me know.
Suppose I have come down off my steroid "pick-me-up" now and am just feeling icky, sickly, restless yet completely drained. Generally poo! All I have done all day is try eating to take away the sickly uneasy feeling. Feel quite fed up - hence this little moan (but then I guess it is day 6 again and feeling fed up is becoming a bit of a habit at this point of my cycle - it will pass tomorrow and I will be all up and at it again I am sure). Feeling spaced out when I try to do anything and my body is generally starting to ache down to my bones (which it probably is as my bone marrow tries to deal with the massive cell death going on). So more fun in the chemo household!
This weekend hasn't been too bad really. I managed to even try and do a spot of cooking and baking which has included blueberry jam muffins and celeriac and tomato soup... what a domestic goddess I am!
However, today I have also been to my GP and got myself signed off work on proper long term sick leave :( Feel a bit like I have admitted defeat, but on the other hand part of me feels relieved that I don't have to beat myself up about not being able to cope with work. I will just see how it goes from now on and if I manage anything then bonus! I guess I was probably a bit naive about the extent of fatigue that hits and thought I could carry on through... hmmmmm had to re-think that one slightly. So any ideas for a laid-back, no-energy-required hobby that I can start taking up then let me know.
Friday, 23 February 2007
Faring Fine.
Well, I am doing ok. These last 2 cycles I have bounced back a bit quicker than the first I think. 
Thanks mainly to a large number of drugs I need to take to control things. I have got things organised this time with my own little chart of all the drugs I need to take and when I need to take them throughout the day. Much more in control of what I am doing so I am more relaxed about when to take my meds and have a little routine now. I am still suffering from being a bit of a bloater with my tummy swelling up again to pregnant lady proportions, and the indigestion is slightly there in the background in the mornings. But they hardly deserve a mention really.
I am still a bit slow during the day and walking downstairs takes some effort. But, I have been making sure I move downstairs for tea and telly in the evenings. My head may be a little clearer as I have managed to concentrate enough to read a bit of a book now and then through the day (thanks to Lydia for the trashy novels... they don't really require all that much concentration it must be said - so are perfect!). So generally coping just fine.
Thanks mainly to a large number of drugs I need to take to control things. I have got things organised this time with my own little chart of all the drugs I need to take and when I need to take them throughout the day. Much more in control of what I am doing so I am more relaxed about when to take my meds and have a little routine now. I am still suffering from being a bit of a bloater with my tummy swelling up again to pregnant lady proportions, and the indigestion is slightly there in the background in the mornings. But they hardly deserve a mention really.
I am still a bit slow during the day and walking downstairs takes some effort. But, I have been making sure I move downstairs for tea and telly in the evenings. My head may be a little clearer as I have managed to concentrate enough to read a bit of a book now and then through the day (thanks to Lydia for the trashy novels... they don't really require all that much concentration it must be said - so are perfect!). So generally coping just fine.
Wednesday, 21 February 2007
Now I feel like I am on chemo :(
Well, I have passed the quarter way through point and have been administered dose 3.
This last week it has been building and I now well and truly feel that I am on chemo. Fatigue has kicked in and my whole mindset about it has changed. I now have to plan to do one thing per day and save up my energy for that. I have to think beforehand that after an hour, or maybe two, tiredness will hit and so I will need to come back home for a nap. It just needs an hours recharge and I am OK again. I also have to plan to have myself a full-on relax day the day after I have allowed myself a trip out to do something otherwise I don't recharge properly.
Fatigue is a bit weird. Its not just sleepiness.... its hard to describe... but for completeness of reporting on my blog I will have a go. I start to feel a queasy sea-sickness feeling growing in my head which is the first sign I am going to flag. Then sentences become hard work and my ability to follow conversations slows down. I then start to get a heavy feeling in my body and all my limbs become heavy and hard to move. I feel walking becomes a bit like dragging my body along. But I am seriously scaling down what I can do from now on and will just go with the flow and it should hopefully become easier if I am not expecting so much or pushing myself as much. Plus, I think I will lend myself very well to slow pottering and the occasional cake baking and housewifely duty.
Yesterday my chemo nurses said I was doing really well. Apart from fatigue, other side effects are now being really well controlled and it's not that hard-going pain and suffering wise. She did tell me that the drugs I were getting were the most toxic and hard going of the chemo drugs they administered and said I was coping really well with it. She also told me that I must keep up with the high calorie diet (get in!... I am going to take this fully on board).
Now onto chemo dose 3. Hmmmmm... going into clinic for the last 2 doses wasn't too bad an experience really. This time it wasn't enjoyable (not that the others were but I was quite happy to have a giggle and a chat with the staff on the others and walked out like nothing had happened).
This time I went into chemo feeling drained and nauseous. At least on the others I had felt back close to normality ready for the next hit. So this time in clinic I was a bit tired and emotional and had a few moments. The pre-chemo nausea may have been anticipation nausea (in my head basically). I was into the chair around 11 this time and finishing off around 1. However I had to stick around a little longer because the cyclophosphamide was given a little bit too quickly right at the end and I got a huge head rush to accompany the funny nose feeling. This sent me into a semi-comatose state for 20 minutes so I had to have a little shut eye before I was able to attempt to stand up and leave. This eased but didn't really pass and so from that moment on I felt crappy and was straight to bed and sleeping for the afternoon. I had my nausea meds switched and started even earlier on these and perhaps I was slightly better with just the one vom session around 8pm but again had a good nights sleep and have woken up much clearer and free of serious nausea feelings. Hooray. Staying in bed though!!
Anyway, this may have sounded like one big moan session... I am just trying to tell it how it is and suprising my spirits are still riding high.
This last week it has been building and I now well and truly feel that I am on chemo. Fatigue has kicked in and my whole mindset about it has changed. I now have to plan to do one thing per day and save up my energy for that. I have to think beforehand that after an hour, or maybe two, tiredness will hit and so I will need to come back home for a nap. It just needs an hours recharge and I am OK again. I also have to plan to have myself a full-on relax day the day after I have allowed myself a trip out to do something otherwise I don't recharge properly.
Fatigue is a bit weird. Its not just sleepiness.... its hard to describe... but for completeness of reporting on my blog I will have a go. I start to feel a queasy sea-sickness feeling growing in my head which is the first sign I am going to flag. Then sentences become hard work and my ability to follow conversations slows down. I then start to get a heavy feeling in my body and all my limbs become heavy and hard to move. I feel walking becomes a bit like dragging my body along. But I am seriously scaling down what I can do from now on and will just go with the flow and it should hopefully become easier if I am not expecting so much or pushing myself as much. Plus, I think I will lend myself very well to slow pottering and the occasional cake baking and housewifely duty.
Yesterday my chemo nurses said I was doing really well. Apart from fatigue, other side effects are now being really well controlled and it's not that hard-going pain and suffering wise. She did tell me that the drugs I were getting were the most toxic and hard going of the chemo drugs they administered and said I was coping really well with it. She also told me that I must keep up with the high calorie diet (get in!... I am going to take this fully on board).
Now onto chemo dose 3. Hmmmmm... going into clinic for the last 2 doses wasn't too bad an experience really. This time it wasn't enjoyable (not that the others were but I was quite happy to have a giggle and a chat with the staff on the others and walked out like nothing had happened).
This time I went into chemo feeling drained and nauseous. At least on the others I had felt back close to normality ready for the next hit. So this time in clinic I was a bit tired and emotional and had a few moments. The pre-chemo nausea may have been anticipation nausea (in my head basically). I was into the chair around 11 this time and finishing off around 1. However I had to stick around a little longer because the cyclophosphamide was given a little bit too quickly right at the end and I got a huge head rush to accompany the funny nose feeling. This sent me into a semi-comatose state for 20 minutes so I had to have a little shut eye before I was able to attempt to stand up and leave. This eased but didn't really pass and so from that moment on I felt crappy and was straight to bed and sleeping for the afternoon. I had my nausea meds switched and started even earlier on these and perhaps I was slightly better with just the one vom session around 8pm but again had a good nights sleep and have woken up much clearer and free of serious nausea feelings. Hooray. Staying in bed though!!
Anyway, this may have sounded like one big moan session... I am just trying to tell it how it is and suprising my spirits are still riding high.
Monday, 19 February 2007
A little dash of normality.
I have just had a lovely weekend which consisted of relaxing.... eating.... drinking (just a spot of champagne for me) ....more relaxing... more eating... more drinking (perhaps just another small glass of champagne).... more relaxing and more eating combined. Lovely! Thank you Ade and Sarah (a.k.a Bestman and bridesmaid). Thanks too to the Kavs for popping over with the trivial pursuit.oh and yes, that is my Husband and Ade dressed up in my wigs... they enjoyed it a little too much.
Thursday, 15 February 2007
Complementary Therapies
This week I have been trying out complementary therapies, with varying degrees of success.
Firstly Reiki....the laying of hands on certain points of the body to generate a healing energy in the body..... or something like that! hummmmm.... not entirely sure its for me.
At the very least it is a nice 45 minutes relaxation to nice soft music and can't do any harm... and I did feel heat from her hands... but I don't think it really worked for me on this occasion. It might have something to do with the fact that I went in there feeling pretty rotten and so came out pretty drained too (a look in the mirror confirmed this!!!). Or it could be due to the fact that I had trouble relaxing my mind. But I don't think that was entirely my fault - just as I was reaching a nice state of relaxation my focus was bought back the the room when the lady belched!!!! yes, belched and twice... we both ignored the fact and just carried on. But for now I don't think Reiki is for me.
Later in the week I tried another session of Reflexology and this I have to say is very nice. On this occasion the pressure was a little harder which was still quite nice, I felt she was doing something as well as just massaging my feet. I came out feeling much more energised and whether it was this or just the fact that I have been taking a bit more care of myself as the week progressed, but my energy levels have definitely been picking back up. I had an initial drop at the start of the week when I didn't take my own advice on board and attempted a little too much on Monday (I didn't think it was too much at the time) and then flopped as a result.... so I really, really, really have to remember that next time! But, I will be signing myself up to regular reflexology from now on.
Firstly Reiki....the laying of hands on certain points of the body to generate a healing energy in the body..... or something like that! hummmmm.... not entirely sure its for me.
At the very least it is a nice 45 minutes relaxation to nice soft music and can't do any harm... and I did feel heat from her hands... but I don't think it really worked for me on this occasion. It might have something to do with the fact that I went in there feeling pretty rotten and so came out pretty drained too (a look in the mirror confirmed this!!!). Or it could be due to the fact that I had trouble relaxing my mind. But I don't think that was entirely my fault - just as I was reaching a nice state of relaxation my focus was bought back the the room when the lady belched!!!! yes, belched and twice... we both ignored the fact and just carried on. But for now I don't think Reiki is for me.
Later in the week I tried another session of Reflexology and this I have to say is very nice. On this occasion the pressure was a little harder which was still quite nice, I felt she was doing something as well as just massaging my feet. I came out feeling much more energised and whether it was this or just the fact that I have been taking a bit more care of myself as the week progressed, but my energy levels have definitely been picking back up. I had an initial drop at the start of the week when I didn't take my own advice on board and attempted a little too much on Monday (I didn't think it was too much at the time) and then flopped as a result.... so I really, really, really have to remember that next time! But, I will be signing myself up to regular reflexology from now on.
Monday, 12 February 2007
treat of the day....
...manicure!
What a lovely hand massage and bit of a pamper I had today with a manicure at the Robert Ogden Centre (yes free again.... but I am popping a bit of spare change in the donations box every time I go!). I am now sporting dark burgundy nails, which I think go very well with today's choice of hair and hat combo (dark brown hair and burgundy trilby).
I have very successfully mixed popping my head into work for several hours with this little treat today. Admittedly, I have come home a bit drained but nothing a cup of tea and a sit down in front of Richard and Judy hasn't put right.
This weekend I also went out for lunch with a friend to Settle nearby us on Saturday and had a little potter round a few shops. I was quite surprised that all we did was gossip and sit and eat lunch followed by cakes and at most 4 shops... but boy, I had to admit that I was quite tired out at the end of the day. What a light-weight!! However, it may just be a case of needing more practice to bring the shopping stamina back up to scratch ;-D
What a lovely hand massage and bit of a pamper I had today with a manicure at the Robert Ogden Centre (yes free again.... but I am popping a bit of spare change in the donations box every time I go!). I am now sporting dark burgundy nails, which I think go very well with today's choice of hair and hat combo (dark brown hair and burgundy trilby).
I have very successfully mixed popping my head into work for several hours with this little treat today. Admittedly, I have come home a bit drained but nothing a cup of tea and a sit down in front of Richard and Judy hasn't put right.
This weekend I also went out for lunch with a friend to Settle nearby us on Saturday and had a little potter round a few shops. I was quite surprised that all we did was gossip and sit and eat lunch followed by cakes and at most 4 shops... but boy, I had to admit that I was quite tired out at the end of the day. What a light-weight!! However, it may just be a case of needing more practice to bring the shopping stamina back up to scratch ;-D
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
